Ignorant Stories

Well, blast it all, my five stories didn't make it onto B3ta's 'Best' page this week. I had fun with the contest, though. B3ta's Question of the Week was:

What astonishingly stupid stuff have you overheard people saying? Tell us, and tell the world.

Here were my five stories (two previously blogged):

• Rear View Mirror A friend once stated he never uses his rear view mirrors when he drives: he's interested only in where he's going, not where he's been. Same fellow never used a lamp when bicycling at night. Cracked his skull on a similarly-clueless bicyclist coming from the other way.
• Take a Shower Stayed overnight at the old Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas, once a magnet for the dense. The shower was governed by a big dial: rotate left for hot, right for cold. But how to turn the shower on? No helpful hints. Many frantic calls later, half of hotel management helped me PULL the sticky dial away from the wall. No surprise they finally blew the place up.
• Why Don't Slot Machines Yield More Jackpots? For every slot machine on the casino floor, there is a doppelganger machine hidden above the ceiling, manned by a casino employee, whose job is to fight your crafty spins and keep you from becoming a millionaire (so says a friend, and I believe her).
• Being Retarded When I was but 19, I lived briefly in Englewood, Colorado, USA, a suburb of Denver. If I missed the first bus to work, I caught the second bus, which numerous retarded people also caught on their way to their work. It was a loopy good time, singing songs and sharing stories with these civil folk. One weekend in downtown Denver, quite by accident, I ran into several of my retarded friends, who were busy talking to a businessman. My friends immediately pulled me into the conversation. The businessman assumed that if I already knew these folks, then I must be retarded too. None of my carefully-worded statements shook his considered judgment - he simply responded, in a slow sing-song voice: "So, do you go to a workshop every day too?" It's nice being slow!
• Miniaturization
  A co-worker (male) was explaining the swift turnover of computer technology to the wide-eyed new employee (female): "Ah, you're too young to remember the era of the eight-inch dics."