Thursday, October 25, 2018

Better Sticks

A walk is my idea of a refreshing ramble across the landscape. In contrast, Jasper conceives of a walk as a way to get more and better sticks.

Every morning, Jasper has me walk him completely around the house, going through the yard next door, where the ladies in the apartments there smile and pine to own a dog like him. As long as they have sticks, life's good.

Jasper's collection of "sticks" includes:

- Bottle cap
- Broken switch from car dashboard
- Badly-worn book cover
- Various chunks of branches and discarded wood
- Old Q-Tips
- Discarded lollipop
- Found Kleenex
- Pieces of upholstery
- Plastic shard from a broken Starbucks cup
- Bits of grass
- Occasional cat turds

Whatever chews well.

Among Jasper's "sticks" was a campaign card from Jrmar Jefferson, who is running for Congress again. I remember meeting Jrmar and his wife in 2016 at Arden Fair. This time around, his campaign card features a cute picture of their young son. Jrmar's wife would probably make the better candidate, but he's the one with "fire in the belly."

Another one of Jasper's "sticks" was a mystifying price tag from "DDS Discounts" (Mens Tops - Comparable value $15.99. You pay $8.99). At first, I was confused. Is there a dentist's office with a boutique? That would be a grand idea! I should immediately tell my dentists about it over there at Amy Woo and Associates.

Speaking of dentists, two weeks ago at the Turn Verein Oktoberfest, I met a UCD sorority girl, a cheerleader and biology major who wants to be a dentist. The girl taught me the Delta Gamma salute. I told her she should meet one of my dentists, a UCD grad who seemed like a sorority girl from central casting. Surprisingly, the girl was already familiar with my dentist's qualifications - she had been studying my dentist's website. "Your dentist is real smart," she said. "Look at her bio and see how young she was when she was studying Organic Chemistry!" Interesting! I need to get back to my dentist soon.

Walks can end abruptly. Yesterday, Jasper started staring at the side of a black car in the DMV parking lot. He eventually got spooked by his own reflection there and ran home.

Beginning To Come Out of My "Breaking Bad" Bunker

I've updated my filming locations guide, and my new architecture book is in process. There may be some error-correction to do over the next two weeks, but the hard part looks like it's over.

Tuesday, October 23, 2018


Jasper and I were taking a short walk just when all the folks at the DMV were getting out of work. Lots of people walking around the alley.

Just then, an apparently-homeless but well-dressed woman in sunglasses and a sharp-looking dress started yelling at us. I stared and rocked awkwardly from foot to foot. Jasper cocked his head and tried to make sense of it.

"Plays! My mother owned five drama schools in the Sixties. My father put me in a fucking limousine when I was five years old. Do you know what that fucking felt like? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING FELT LIKE?"

I was thinking, 'Good lord, I wonder if I've been in a play with her before? No more unbalanced than some people I've known.' I couldn't answer her question. Was it a rhetorical question? A leading question? I didn't know.

Jasper had trouble with the question too, and sensibly-enough turned to eat a tuft of grass.