Pinwheeling Soda Missile

In order to avoid carrying grocery bags up the steps to my back porch, I first raise the bags over my head and set them on the edge of the porch. Today, I was lifting two, two-liter bottles of caffeine-free Diet Pepsi over my head, when one of them toppled, hit the concrete, and ruptured. The pinwheeling, carbonate-fueled missile sprayed a liter of soda over me and my freshly-painted house siding. So, if there’s a certain eau-du-aspartame about me today, that’s why.