Internal Siamese Twin

(Standing in the sandwich line at Subway. IST observes me looking at my iPhone while holding it just inches in front of my left eye)

IST: You shouldn't hold the iPhone so close to your eye. It will damage your retina. Like a TV. Instead, you should use a magnifying glass while holding the iPhone at arm's length.

M.: I had retinal surgery in 1994. They put a band around my eye, so it's even more near-sighted than it used to be.

IST: You should have a doctor look at that. It's better to be safe than sorry. Not that I want to intrude. You should have a doctor look at that. It's better to be safe than sorry. Not that I want to intrude. You should have a doctor look at that. It's better to be safe than sorry. Not that I want to intrude......

M.: (Observing his three foot-long sandwiches being made) That's a lot of food. It's not just for yourself, is it?

IST: Yes, it is. I have two stomachs. In the womb, I started to divide into a Siamese twin, but the process didn't complete. I'm an Internal Siamese Twin.

M.: So, do you have a split personality?

IST: No, although I have mood swings. The process didn't complete. I should have a doctor look at that.

M.: So, you're going to eat all those sandwiches?

IST: Yes. It's really something when the stomach on the left starts growling, and the stomach on the right starts growling too. I need the nutrition. It's part of being an Internal Siamese Twin. The process didn't complete, so I have just one heart, just behind the breast bone, almost in the center of the chest.

M.: My breast bone is messed up, maybe from a lack of nutrition when I was three years old.

IST: You should have a doctor look at that. It's better to be safe than sorry. Particularly the Vitamin C. You can get the scurvies from that.

M.: They used to get that on sailing ships.

IST: They'd lose two thirds of the crew to the scurvies. Your hair falls out and you get yellow eye balls. Your membranes basically fall apart. It's so important what women eat when they are pregnant, especially in the first three weeks. That's when the cell division occurs, and when Siamese twins get made. (To the 'sandwich artist') Can you add more pickles?