Mangled English Top Ten

This is worth reproducing in full.

Too bad Donald Rumsfeld is in this list with this comment, because, as we know, on this matter, he's right. His appalling reaction to the looting of Baghdad - "stuff happens" - was acidic irony at its best, but it's not mangled, so doesn't belong on this list. Maybe a better quote is: "If I said yes, that would then suggest that that might be the only place where it might be done which would not be accurate, necessarily accurate. It might also not be inaccurate, but I'm disinclined to mislead anyone."

Or whatever. Like Donald says, "I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty":

FORMER US president George W Bush topped a poll of the worst examples of mangled English, followed closely by Arnold Schwarzenegger and Donald Rumsfeld.

French footballer-cum philospher Eric Cantona and former US president Bill Clinton also produced prime examples of gobbledegook, according to the online poll of 4000 people inspired by the Plain English Campaign.

Notoriously language-challenged Bush romped to the top accolade for his: "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

Second came bodybuilder-turned-actor-turned-California governor Schwarzenegger, who during an election campaign in 2003 minted the puzzling: "I think that gay marriage should be between a man and a woman."

The rest of the top 10 in the poll, commissioned by an insurance company after it won an award from the Plain English Campaign, were:

3. Rumsfeld, in February 2002: "Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns: the ones we don't know we don't know."

4. Murray Walker, motor racing commentator: "The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical."

5. John Motson, football commentator: "For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are playing in yellow."

6. British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, explaing budget plans to lawmakers in July this year: "Total spending will continue to rise and it will be a zero per cent rise in 2013-14."

7. Clinton, in 1998 grand jury testimony about Monica Lewinsky: "It depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is. If 'is' means 'is and never has been' that's one thing – if it means 'there is none', that was a completely true statement."

8. Cantona, 1995: "When the seagulls follow the trawler, it's because they think sardines will be thrown into the sea."

9. Bush, July 2001: "I know what I believe. I will continue to articulate what I believe and what I believe – I believe what I believe is right."

10. London mayor Boris Johnson, on British satirical gameshow Have I Got News for You in 2003: "I could not fail to disagree with you less."