Ever since the telephone broke about two weeks ago, it's been nothing but domestic peace and tranquillity. The only phone calls I ever got anyway were from E.'s bill collectors, donation-hungry charities and political candidates, and various salesmen, so I missed the phone hardly at all.
Of course, it's good to have one around in the event of emergencies....
Last night, about 1 a.m., E. heard what she thought at first was the boom of fireworks. Then she realized someone was tipping over garbage cans in the alley. She looked out the window and saw that one of the army of faceless, nameless garbage pickers that prowl the alleys of Sacramento every night was going the extra mile, by flinging all the garbage from every can onto the pavement, and just leaving the big heaps of refuse as he went from can to can looking for aluminum cans to recycle. E. had to call the police right away.
Only trouble was, she left her cell phone in the car, and the home phone, as mentioned, wasn't working. So, in her bathrobe, she quietly crept downstairs and snuck into her car to retrieve her phone, as the noisy interloper poked his head into one garbage can after another. Running upstairs, and using her cell phone, she first alerted me at the office ("MMMMAAAARRRRCCCC!"), then called the cops.
I raced over, and found two cop cars in the alley, their lights a'flashing. Standing in a blaze of light in front of one of the cop cars, the plaid-jacketed suspect held his hands behind his head as the cops dug into his pockets. The cops chewed him out and put him to work putting all the garbage back into all the garbage cans, and setting them all aright.
"We can't cite him with anything," one of the cops told us, "but we can do this."
"He is disturbing the peace! He should be arrested!" E. said. Going into the back yard, Sparky saw me and happily started barking. "Why didn't you bark at the mokum?" E. said to Sparky.
"I will be the detective of the neighborhood," E. said. "I will hide behind the garbage can, jump out, and poke him on the head with a stick! I will throw acid in his face!"
"Even though you have no acid," I reminded her. "Even though I have no acid," she said and smiled. "Sparky, go get some acid!" I said, as Sparky cluelessly wagged his tail in happiness.
"I am the Green Destiny!" E. righteously proclaimed. Ah yes, the Green Destiny, from Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon!:
Who am I? I am... I am the Invincible Sword Goddess, armed with the incredible Green Destiny. Be you Li or Southern Crane, lower your head and ask for mercy. I am the desert dragon. I leave no trace. Today I fly over Eu-Mei. Tomorrow... I'll kick over Wudan Mountain!