Spine of Steel

The Onion:

WASHINGTON—Standing uncharacteristically firm as the partial government shutdown stretched into the 25th day, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer admitted Tuesday that he was honestly pretty amazed he hadn’t caved yet. “Realistically, I thought I’d make it five days max before rolling over and giving them whatever they wanted,” said Schumer (D-NY), adding that despite lengthy negotiations with Republican lawmakers, he had oddly been unable to find the right moment to raise a white flag in the spirit of token bipartisanship. “It’s weird because giving up is just sort of what I do.