Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Clam Jumper

Amused by conversation with Homeless Guy (H) while standing in line at the pharmacy:

H: Man, I got roughed up Halloween night! I was in the gutter over there across from Clam Jumper...

M: Clam Jumper?

H.: Clam Jumper, over by the light rail station near I Street. I was shouting to the ladies walking by on the sidewalk across the street, just trying to give good advice, like "Don't have sex until you're 21!" when these guys step out of a car, and one says to me "Looks like you need a fade."

M.: What did they do?

H.: They stomped all over my head! At first I tried to resist, but then I just gave up and let them hit me. My nose hasn't been working right since. A doctor looked at it and said "Yup, it's broken!" Now I can't blow my nose properly because it's too sensitive and the boogers are piling up inside and I have to reach up in there all the time (illustrating).

M.: That's terrible!

H.: You know, I'm a drunk and a meth-head - that meth really makes you go KKRRRAAAZZEEEE! - and one thing I want to know is, why don't they bring back Nancy Reagan's "Just Say No" campaign?

M.: I dunno. Maybe it doesn't work?

H.: But they should try! How do they know if they don't try? Nancy Reagan would sign off on that in an instant!

No comments:

Post a Comment