The Trespasser

Over the last week or two, the homeless guy in the neighborhood, the one with the shopping cart and the weird, alert dog, has been skulking around the DMV parking lot. Even Joe The Plumber noticed: "That guy isn't just hanging out. He's scanning the neighborhood. He's up to something." And it's true, the guy was in a perfect place to watch the comings and goings of the neighborhood, and notice the little things (like E. departing this weekend for a week at Minden Lake).

Two nights ago, neighbor Doug was walking his dog in the DMV parking lot, and we started talking. He had noticed the homeless guy too. "Yeah, he was on the ground over there at the corner, next to the broken-down car. He was asleep, but he was holding a lit cigarette. A few nights later, there was a burned spot there, like the cigarette had gotten away from him." Doug added that he had heard the guy was in poor health.

Yesterday, I spent most of the day in Davis, involved in various theater activities. I returned home at 1 a.m. To my (not entirely complete) surprise, as I drove up, I discovered the homeless guy was camped out in my driveway.

I parked the car, got out, and unloaded the groceries from the trunk. The homeless guy was snoring softly. His weird dog was nowhere to be found. I decided I didn't want an abrasive and ugly encounter at one o'clock in the morning with The Trespasser, so let him sleep on.

By late morning, the fellow was gone, but had left his calling card: he had defecated under my bedroom window during the night. Pushing past the flies and cleaning that up was a joy.....

I told the DMV parking lot guard about The Trespasser. He hadn't seen the fellow camped out there (the fellow must have departed early). He pointed under the hedge and asked: "What are those eyeglasses?" I replied, "What eyeglasses?" Where The Trespasser had been the night before there was now a pair of eyeglasses. They looked nice: they had nice, stylish Italian frames. I offered them to the guard, but he demurred.

Joe the Plumber showed up. As he came into the yard he said: "Hey, I found these eyeglasses in the driveway! Do they belong to what's-her-name?" I told Joe the story, and he said: "That bastard! Let's break them!" But I told him not to do so, and so they remain still, on the ground next to the driveway, under the hedge, in the event The Trespasser wants them back.