Agony Downstage, Center!

DMTC's "Man Of La Mancha" was going well on Friday night, despite the fact that it was the Second Friday show.

Typically the Second Friday show is the weakest of a 12-show community-theatre run. Actors get complacent, having done the show the previous weekend, yet also having just spent the last few days off, and thus they are no longer quite as alert to danger as they need to be. There were a few problems keeping up with the music Friday night, but basically everything was going well for the cast.

Then, everything fell apart!

The Muleteers were just swinging into the Rape of Aldonza scene, following Lauren Miller's line, "Turn over, you poxy goat!" Brennan Ballard rolled her, Lauren screamed, got up and ran into Giorgio Selvaggio's arms, then back into mine. Then Lauren fell, downstage center, as choreographed. The Muleteers gathered to paw her. I knelt down to paw her as well, stepping smartly forward with my left leg, and bending down.

Just then, a thermonuclear explosion of pain tore from my groin! A vivid grinding sound that reminded me of chicken bones ripping apart at a feast came deep from within my own body!

The logical thing to do was to fall onto the stage into a fetal ball and scream like a little girl, but the timing couldn't possibly have been worse. The action onstage was heating up, not cooling down! There was no place to hide! Friends like John Ewing, Keith Hartmann, and Herb Schultz were sitting in the front row scarcely fifteen feet away. Whatever I felt, however I felt, I had to soldier on, and mask the pain!

What happened? For a few seconds, as I chortled at Aldonza's plight with my diabolical Muleteer laugh, I tried to diagnose myself. I thought maybe I had just suffered a hernia. I had never suffered a hernia before, so I didn't know what it was supposed to feel like, but it would explain why the pain came from the groin. Then I remembered an injury that seems to bedevil athletes, in particular: the dread groin pull. This must be what I just suffered!

But why a groin pull? I'm not sure about that, but I was probably not as warm as I should have been. I did a few plies to warm up the legs prior to the scene, but those focus on leg muscles, not hip joint flexure. I guess I stepped too far forward, too fast, for the muscles and ligaments to keep up. There's always a first time for everything, including injuries!

And so, for the remainder of Act II, I suffered. And I suffered! Adrenalin was my only helpmate. I had to run around in pain, at one point kneeling down to place Lauren over my shoulder and carry her across the stage - almost beyond my strength under the circumstances. As an Inquisition guard, I also had to descend the steps of the grand staircase without bursting into tears, and help carry the struggling Muleteer, Matt from Fairfield, back up the steps. I had to do all kinds of things that depend on a smoothly-functioning groin. Who knew the groin was so important to health and happiness?

Pain made me inattentive as well. Late in the show, I set up Don Quixote's stretcher, propping it up against a bench, downstage center. Metal loops on the stretcher's arms keep the stretcher from skidding off the bench and flat onto the stage. Friday night, I failed to notice the loops weren't properly braced against the bench until it was too late, and so I spent the scene in helpless heart-stopping worry that everything would instantaneously fall apart and Don Quixote would skid unceremoniously horizontal onstage (fate was kinder there, and nothing happened).

After having chewed through ibuprofen like candy, sleep last night was difficult. Lying down is difficult, especially on the right side, and I accidentally rolled into that position in bed. It was half an hour of agony figuring out how to roll onto my left side.

Tonight, Saturday night, we were all a little apprehensive about whether I could gimp through the vigorous show, but it basically seemed to go OK. The hardest thing to remember was to always step forward on the right, not the left, if I was going to kneel, and also to remember never to fall onto the stage on my right side. Carrying Lauren over my shoulder was hard, but doable. Running around stage was like "ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!" with every step, but I got through it.

Now, tomorrow afternoon is the Sunday show! Here we go again!

Be kind to your groin! It is your friend, and you will miss it if it malfunctions!