Seasons Of Life

About ten years ago, I decided to let this stage of life pass me by. It's true: some things do belong to youth!

This is this week's B3ta Question of the Week:

Road Rage: Have you lost it on the roads, or have you been on the recieving end of some nutter?

Here's my response:

American Advice: Just Flip Them The Bird

Road rage? Happens all the time!

Pulling out of a deserted McDonald's parking lot late at night in my VW Bug, my friend and I flipped the bird to some cowboys in a jacked-up pickup truck who were trying to pull into the same parking lot. Aroused, they chased us all over the nearby empty roads, eventually ramming our vehicle before fleeing. When I reported their license plate number to the police, the cop 'inadvertently' released their home address. I spent the next month fruitlessly stalking their neighborhood waiting for the truck to return home (frickin' cowboys probably raping cows at night instead).

Then there was the time I flipped the bird to some exasperated jerk who honked and pulled in front of me, thinking I was taking too long to turn onto a major street. Instead of driving off, that incensed jerk peeled right around, stomped up to my driver's window, and quietly asked "Would you please roll down your window?" I quietly replied, "no."

Then once, I was on foot, on the sidewalk, walking across a hamburger restaurant drive-up window, when some university student 'scholars' loudly honked right in my ear - they didn't even notice me, they had seen some friends across the street. Bastards! So I flipped them the bird, and they noticed me after all. They came peeling out of the driveway, and we had a standoff in the street, in front of dozens of potential witnesses: me the matador, and they the stupid bull. I egged them on to make good their threats to attack and they burnt rubber with their hollow threats to do so. Pedestrians are more agile than cars in close quarters. Stupid university students!

Wanna meet your fellow motorists? Just flip them the bird!