Wednesday, July 05, 2006

"You're Not Seeing The Big Picture Here, Miss Lane!"



In 1978, "Superman" with Christopher Reeve was released. At the time, I was attending the University of New Mexico, and immediately, coeds all around me were swooning and fainting. "He is SO handsome!, etc., etc., etc., etc." For months, the hero worship swelled like a wave. For me, the experience was like listening to nails on a chalkboard, without interruption, for months. I hated it. So, I was not looking forward to seeing this movie, with Brandon Routh as the 'Man of Steel,' but I knew my grim duty.

To my surprise, I thought this new movie, "Superman Returns," was great (maybe because I count fewer coeds among my compatriots these days). The visual effects, which cost a whopping $261 million (according to the Wall Street Journal in a recent front page article), were done with a real loving care for landscapes and seascapes. These digital masters really care about what the Earth looks like from space, from the air, and from every other place. They are geeks - real geeks, true geeks - who like geophysics, and how the Earth actually works. Thank God Time-Warner resisted the impulse to go cheap on the visuals! The only fake -looking scenes are the crystal land- and sea-scapes, but there was no choice here - they have no natural analogue. The physics is "Comic-Book Physics" of course, but they could have done SO MUCH WORSE!

The near-futuresque scenes were heightened by rational extrapolation to a second-generation Space Shuttle,whose design was anticipated by futuristic designs as long ago as 1960. Nothing science-fictiony there really: it's all easily-reachable with current technology.

Brandon Routh looks a bit 'plasticky,' in both the promotional stills, and in the movie itself. Is that a good thing? I think so: it serves to maintain the not-quite-human mystique of 'Superman.'

Kevin Spacey makes a superb Lex Luthor: selfish, businesslike, and hardly even THAT evil (until near the end). Kate Bosworth is a fine Lois Lane. I really liked seeing Broadway veteran Frank Langella (indeed, the only Broadway play I've ever seen was 'Dracula' in 1978, with Langella in the lead role) playing 'Daily Planet' Editor ('Great Caesar's Ghost!') Perry White. Parker Posey as Luthor's femme-fatale sidekick was a bit too cardboard for such a good actress (I blame the script here, however, not Posey).

The big question is, of course, whether Routh has what it takes to make coeds of this generation swoon. That's not my department, of course, and I really wish he wouldn't, but fear that he probably will do exactly the same as Reeve did 27 years ago. I just don't want to hear about it....

So, great movie! Go see it! It's much, much better, all around, than the 1978 Superman movie. Take it from someone who remembers, all too well, what that one was all about....
Don't Bite Your Nails, And Get Out Of The Rain

Bizarro article:
Physicians removed 119 nails - many of them rusty - from a woman's stomach months after she apparently swallowed them, a doctor said.
But that isn't the strangest thing about iron....iron rain may be falling in the atmospheres of brown dwarf stars:
The atmospheres contain primarily gases, including gaseous iron and silicate. At hotter temperatures—3,140 degrees Fahrenheit (2,000 degrees Kelvin)—typical of younger brown dwarfs, the iron remains in its gaseous phase. Over time as the glowing body cools, the iron condenses to form iron-rich clouds and droplets of liquid-iron rain.

...And when it rains it pours: Not only did Burgasser and his team find these metallic clouds, but they also spotted evidence of violent storms. Thermodynamics would predict that as brown dwarfs release heat, they would dim—similar to a cooling ember. But the astronomers found that the older, and cooler, brown dwarfs shined brighter than the warmer, younger ones.

"These brown dwarfs are much brighter than they should be, and the only way for that to happen is for the clouds to disappear very suddenly so you're left with a very hot brown dwarf, which emits a lot of light, but doesn't have the same clouds," Burgasser said.

The most plausible explanation is an off-the-charts hurricane pummeling through the area and clearing the clouds. If the clouds were to clear naturally as the object cooled, that could take roughly 1 billion years, leaving a chilly brown dwarf, Burgasser told SPACE.com. He expects these clearings must be 100 times as quick, a "lightning-fast" 10 million years.

But what causes the cloudy disturbance? With cooling, a brown dwarf's cloud layer sinks closer to its surface.

"As the clouds form deeper in the atmosphere they are more sensitive to the winds and convective motions in the atmosphere," said Mark Marley, a scientist at NASA's Ames Research Center.

"This dynamics or 'weather' probably leads to the destruction of the clouds," Marley said by email, adding that he and others are working on promising ideas to explain the cloud-clearing mechanism.
Australian Women In IT Aren't Geeks

No, really, they aren't, (but the clunky language makes me wonder):
IT Goddess Calendar - Fundamentally the key reason for producing this calendar is to raise awareness of females in IT via capturing media attention and therefore increased stories, print and digital media reaching target audiences we have failed to reach via traditional means. We plan to do this by smashing through the geek perception by displaying a wide variety (jobs, age, nationality, roles and body shapes) of real women in IT fields, and using the style of calendar as a mechanism to instantly capture interest and attention (and sales).
Senator Ted Stevens (R - Alaska) On The Internet

Would someone please get this guy some staff?:
I just the other day got, an internet was sent by my staff at 10 o'clock in the morning on Friday and I just got it yesterday. Why? Because it got tangled up with all these things going on the internet commercially. […]

They want to deliver vast amounts of information over the internet. And again, the internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes.

Monday, July 03, 2006

"Heart and Music Make A Song" - The Company Preview Show for "Artistic Differences"

Left: Jerry Lee as Charles Giteau (assassin of President James A. Garfield, 1881), from Stephen Sondheim's 'Ballad of Guiteau,' from "Assassins."


(Pictures taken with Steve's new digital camera - I've misplaced my own)

Sunday evening, the new musical theater group, "Artistic Differences," presented a preview concert at DMTC's Hoblit Performing Arts Center, in Davis, to an audience of about eighty people, featuring many of the area's best perfomers (both onstage and in the audience). Afterwards, there was much networking in the lobby of the theater,

Later this month, and in early August, "Artistic Differences" will present performances of William Finn and James Lapine's musical, "Falsettos," at DMTC.

Artistic Differences" intends to present contemporary musical theater and, as yet, doesn't have a permanent home. The group is a collaborative effort of some of the best singers in the local musical theater community, and as such, may not necessarily require a permanent home, but rather a host, such as DMTC now serves.

On June 28th, DMTC had a board meeting, where we discussed "Falsettos," after the customary griping about the burdens of operating, with volunteers, a new 'brick-and-mortar' theater that also serves as the host for several smaller theatrical ventures, including "Artistic Differences."

Steve tried to keep the board meeting on-message, but things quickly derailed. Treating us to a fill-in-the-blank, morale-boosting opening, Steve ceremoniously stated, "For us sitting at this table, musical theater is a ????" "A hobby!!!!," I happily babbled. Repeatedly smacking his forehead with the palm of his hand as he sagged forward with exasperation, Steve muttered, "A business! A business!"

For me, a hobby, for Steve, a business, but for the folks in "Artistic Differences," musical theater is more of a calling. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication to get that good!

The Board wondered about the folks in "Artistic Differences." "Do you think they might be interested in cleaning toilets?," someone wondered. This was a silly question, of course: I know these folks, some of them well, and I'm sure they don't have the slightest interest in cleaning toilets (if only, because they are long-time veterans of the local musical theater community, they've cleaned more than their share of toilets in the past).

Nevertheless, the conversation highlighted the basic conundrum DMTC now finds itself in. We would like a cleaning service, to ease our burdens, but require income from staging or hosting shows, such as those provided by "Artistic Differences," to pay for the services. Most theater companies need artistic differences like a hole in the head, but we need as many as we can get.

Waiting in the lobby, I talked with several people. First I talked with Dianne and Meeka Craig, who were both wondering when, or if, DMTC would extend the runs of certain popular shows, such as "Oklahoma!" That is one of extending runs was becoming increasingly theoretical in nature, not only because facility-use conflicts with other theatrical events were becoming increasingly common as the calendar filled up, but also because of the difficulty of getting every single one of the players to commit to time beyond what they had already anticipated.

I also talked with James Chavez-Glica, and we reminisced together about childhood in northern California, until I remembered I was reminiscing about Aaron Clemens childhood (who grew up with James) and not my own childhood, in New Mexico.

I also talked with Kathy and Tony Davi, who conveyed news of their talented daughters. Melody recently had sinus surgery, to deal with persistent infections, and we wondered how that surgical work might affect/improve her singing. Then Kathy and Tony announced that the San Francisco premiere of the revival of "A Chorus Line," starring Mara Davi as Maggie, would be at the Curran Theater on July 23rd:

Revivals, Hamlisch said, have never held much interest for him. "Once you've seen Zero Mostel in 'Fiddler,' do you really want to see someone else?" But "Chorus Line," in multiple ways, is a special case. Hamlisch will fine- tune the orchestrations, using a synthesizer not available in 1975, for example, but not change a note. One thing he hopes to do this time around is erase the memory of "the very bad movie of this show" directed by Richard Attenborough in 1985.
This is a major, major event we should all watch out for!

The "Artistic Differences" concert was great. Lots of fine performances by many of Sacramento's best! Here are some pictures from the concert itself. Because of the poor lighting, many pictures didn't come out very well: these are some of the best:

Pictures from 'Gun Song,' from "Assassins":


Michael R.J. Campbell, and Kristen Wagner.


Kristen Wagner, Michael R.J. Campbell, Ken Figeroid, and Jerry Lee.


Kevin Caravalho and Jerry Lee.


Kristen Wagner, Michael R.J. Campbell, Kevin Caravalho, Jerry Lee, and Ken Figeroid.


Pictures from 'Miracle of Judaism/Baseball Game,' from "Falsettos":


Joey Harris.


Kristen Wagner, Jessica Stein, Craig Howard, Margaret Hollinbeck, and Kevin Caravalho.


Picture from 'Heart and Music,' from "A New Brain":


Kevin Caravalho, Joey Harris, Kristen Wagner, Jerry Lee, Craig Howard, Michael R.J. Campbell, Margaret Hollinbeck, Melissa Rae Frago, and Ken Figeroid.
Heart and music
Heart and music get along (you gotta have heart and music)

You gotta have heart and music
You gotta have heart and music
Heart and music make a song

Saturday, July 01, 2006

"Oklahoma!" Weekend Shows

Friday night, Ryan had trouble with his hat. He tossed it into the audience by accident at the end of 'Kansas City'. When he bobbled it again in the ballet sequence, he overheard a woman in the audience say 'there goes that hat again!' When Bethany jumped into Robert's arms in the saloon part of the ballet, Robert was only able to grab one of Bethany's legs, and he nearly toppled as he struggled to get the other leg.

Dian's veil fell off when we threw her to the floor at the end of the saloon part of the ballet. Jamie reached it and tried to toss it offstage, but the flying veil apparently struck and stuck onto Aunt Eller's house: very symbolic, somehow, and eerily appropriate!

For some reason, that reminds me of that classic Johnny Carson "Tonight Show" footage from 1963, when Ed Ames, co-star of the new show "Daniel Boone", displayed his frontier skills by tossing a spinning hatchet (accompanied by Indian tom-tom music) at a board featuring an outline of a man. Completely unexpectedly, the spinning hatchet landed just right, with the handle pointing outwards, and the audience dissolved into fifteen minutes of hysterical laughter, forcing the show briefly off the air.

On Friday, Lora Kennedy came and got the tour. On Saturday, Ron Cisneros came, with friends.

Saturday just prior to the show featured a weird brouhaha with Davis Indoor Sports Complex (DISC), across the street from DMTC. They were having a roller derby over there, and many patrons jammed the lot we share with Peak Performance. We called the cops, and many DISC patrons were inconvenienced as they were forced to move their cars, but we didn't have much choice if we wanted our patrons to have parking spaces. This incident was unfortunate - DISC and ourselves have much to gain by working together. I'm glad they had a big event, though: DISC needs more traffic (as long as it doesn't inconvenience us too much!)

Saturday seemed like an unusually good show. Jamie coughed up beaucoup (stage) blood in the stabbing scene (what we affectionately call 'Jud blood').

On Sunday, prior to the show, Steve Isaacson presented YPT veteran Emily Jo Seminoff with DMTC's $500 college scholarship. Even though she is graduating from high school, Emily already attends Solano Jr. College, having entered before under the auspices of some program I don't quite fathom. She has an enviable background in theater, but apparently aspires to write as well.

On Sunday, in the ballet portion of the show, some of Dian's hair became entwined on a button on Jamie's vest, so when he threw her down to the floor - rip! Interestingly, she didn't notice for a few minutes, and only later dealt with the bloody patch on her scalp. In the excitement of the moment, on stage, people can suffer surprising injuries, and yet lumber on without noticing much pain. I often find strange, inexplicable bruises, scratches, and small cuts after a show, and I'm sure others do too.

Backstage on Sunday, Andy Hyun shook his head in wonderment as he listened to the music and said "that oboe player really kicks ass!" I hadn't been paying much attention, so I couldn't say, but I did like the image of the ass-kicking oboeist.

What else happened on Sunday?....Steve missed an entrance, in 'Scandal' (he was working box-office, apparently). Folks from Garbeau's showed up - Jerry Lee and Katie Murphy. Ah! How could I forget? Just before the show, Jabriel Shelton said "my do-rag is all messed up." When historians of the future look back on our era, amidst all the shout and tumult, there is a chance they'll overlook the really important things, like a "messed up" do-rag. We must remember, though, even if others forget, lest this dire event repeat itself in the future!

Friday, June 30, 2006

"An Inconvenient Truth" (second draft)

(Left: The last fragment of a glacier on Mt. Kiliminjaro, Kenya.)


I went last night with E2 to the Varsity Theater in Davis to see "An Inconvenient Truth", starring Al Gore. Young musical theater enthusiast Justin Biewer-Elstob (who starred last year as 'Conrad Birdie' in DMTC's YPT summer workshop, "Bye, Bye Birdie") was slinging sodas in the bright orange lobby of the Varsity Theater. The place was eerie: familiar, from having done so many shows there, but also weird, because of the new seats, and the many changes in decor from what we once knew.

My climatologist friend, Jerry, in San Jose, has been promoting this new movie, noting:
The map that indicates that the release of the movie is being restricted to "blue" areas -- what is the point in that? By the way, here is a favorable review from an Austin, TX paper. Here's my favorite reaction so far.
I thought it was a very good movie, but I worried, not so much about what Gore said, but by what he didn't say. People are very prone to confuse standard air pollution problems with the buildup of CO2 in the Earth's atmosphere, and the movie didn't help on that score. But still, far better than what one usually gets from movies!

Gore does a far better job with his PowerPoint presentations than anyone I've ever seen - a Powerpoint master! His lecturing manner is lively and interesting. Nevertheless, I was worried about the simplifications Gore had to embrace to make his lecture clear.

The best part of the movie is when Gore discusses rotting and decaying ice shelves and glaciers in Antarctica and Greenland. Some of this information about breaking ice shelves on Antarctica's Ross Peninsula I had heard before, but never in such a compelling and interesting way. And some of the information, particularly on the decaying Greenland ice sheet, was genuinely new to me. The worst part of the movie was a poorly-edited fragment, discussing Pacific Islanders who've had to relocate to New Zealand because of rising sea levels. These islanders weren't really identified. Global warming victims make interesting news, but not if they remain faceless.

One of my bosses at work is a global warming skeptic. Politically, he's somewhere to the right of Attila the Hun and somewhere to the left of Dick Cheney's Energy Task Force. Once, just before a company dinner, we were vigorously discussing global warming, when the dinner bell rang, and he was forced to summarize the entire global warming skeptic position in ten seconds. His ten second complaint was that the argument on behalf of global warming was too simple: the Earth's climate engine has far too many cogs in it to expect it to respond uniformly to a single forcing agent like an increase in carbon dioxide concentration.

At first, I thought this was a strange argument. Scientists prefer simple explanations. Occam's razor maintains that the simplest argument that explains a phenomenon is often the correct one. Thus, simplicity is a virtue.

But there is a different way to look at global warming - not scientifically, but politically. Simple political explanations are appealing, because they can be easily grasped, and thus it is easier to mobilize people to carry out certain tasks. The ugly details can be left for later. Maybe the danger of simplicity isn't scientific, but political.

If I recall correctly, the first scientist who established that carbon dioxide absorbs infrared radiation was a German named Heinz, in the late 1880's. He immediately intuited from his experiments that the Industrial Revolution would lead to a warming of the Earth. Global warming is a simple enough idea that the very first scientist in the field grasped the key point immediately. The education revolution of the 20th Century has now made scientific thought much more widely available in the past, greatly expanding the pool of people who understand, and thus heightening the political impact of efforts to stop global warming. Everyone can now join in democratic action. But what exactly are we to do?

I never was that interested in climatology - too much statistics for a simple soul like myself. Nevertheless, I remember the late 1980's, when I was a graduate student in Atmospheric Sciences at the University of Arizona. There was something of an academic political campaign to bring onto the faculty an experienced scientist, one with connections to NASA, and who had considerable global climate modeling capability, but he did not have much hands-on experience. We had another fellow on the faculty who did have a lot of experimental experience with aerosol particles (also of interest in climatology), but less modeling experience. The outside guy essentially routed the inside guy, and effectively replaced him: hands-on experience no longer seemed quite as important as political glad-handing.

I sensed that, behind it all, the National Science Foundation, among others, had quietly become politicized, and that global warming was now their favored cause, with global modeling the preferred vehicle for educating the nation and the world. The turnover in college faculty, nationwide as well as in AZ, was just a small skirmish in the new campaign, which might take decades to accomplish. Climatological modelers were to be favored, even if the climate models could benefit from the work of people who could actually calibrate the models with experimental evidence. Simplicity was in! Looking forward, though, it seemed like a shrewd bet: after all, carbon dioxide was relentlessly increasing, and there was unusual consensus in the scientific community regarding the implications.

All of this might be OK, but the kinds of things we need to do to get a handle on global warming are daunting. Carbon dioxide is inexorably increasing in the atmosphere - concentrations are already 15% higher than when I was born (380 vs. 315 ppmv). We have to seriously curtail our appetites for carbon fossil fuels, but our precious lifestyles hinge on the consumption of carbon fossil fuels. We are seriously, seriously addicted to petroleum products.

Al Gore spoke of the moral imperative of doing what we must to save our home, our Earth. Gore reminds me of a Preacher, trying to persuade people who've been alcoholics as long as they've been alive, that they should give up the bottle. People have no idea what is involved.
Q.: "Mr. Preacherman, what will happen if I give up alcohol?"
A.: "Well, Timmy, first you'll get the delerium tremens, better known as the DTs. You'll go through a period of what seems like insanity, featuring hallucinations. You'll see spiders on the walls, and your head will feel like it's full of maggots."
Q.: "Can't I have a beer instead, Mr. Preacherman?"
A.: "Well, Timmy, then you'll be part of the problem, rather than part of the solution!"
Q.: "It doesn't look that way from where I sit, Mr. Preacherman!"
So, what is the point? If you are a statesman (aka a politician), maybe you'll be happy enough to settle for second-best. People do not understand that carbon dioxide is not simply a typical air pollutant that can be handled by regulation - carbon dioxide is accumulating in the atmosphere, and regulation can only slow, not stop, the process. The danger is that people will become hurt and disillusioned, because they are engaged in a campaign that will likely lose the main battle, even if there are other sucesses elsewhere.

Indeed, after seeing the movie, E2 told me "I have a friend who is buying a natural-gas powered vehicle with near-zero emissions." "Well, that's good," I said, "but natural gas is still a fossil fuel, and the vehicle will contribute to global warming." "I bet you're mistaken," she said. I wish Gore had spoken on this point. The fact that he was silent suggests there are advantages to not making the point clear.

So, if people use more fuel-efficient autos, carbon dioxide will build up more slowly in the atmosphere, although it will still build up. Nevertheless, you might still get air pollution benefits by buying the newer fuel-efficient cars, and consume petroleum products from the Middle East at a slower rate, which might help political stability - all salutary goals - but you will still lose on the global warming front. Two steps forward, one step back - nevertheless, a good day for a statesman.

Our political system does a very poor job addressing long-term problems, and politics is all about the short-term. Global warming may very well be real - I'm a convert - but I suspect we'll burn every precious drop of oil, regardless, until it is all gone. Call me a cynic, but we are a world filled with addicts. The spirit may be willing, but the flesh is very, very weak!

Al Gore stated that if the Greenland ice cap, or the West Antarctic ice sheet melted, sea level would rise 20 feet. All I could think was, "well, the basement of my house is 23 feet, 8 inches above sea level." So, I'll be all right (unless BOTH ice sheets melt, in which case I'll be screwed and have to move back to New Mexico). That's one nice thing about being a mature adult, though. By the time all hell breaks loose, I'll be dead.
Gabe, The Information Warrior

Gabe takes issue with the information my sister sent the other day, and says there is no such thing as a national cell phone registry.

On the other hand, as I noticed previously with the Titanic Poseidon Adventure screening legend, Snopes.com tries to keep its fans on their toes by DELIBERATELY posting false information, so that no one gets too comfortable with their precious facts.

I don't know where the truth lies, only that it is in question.....

Thursday, June 29, 2006

Supreme Court Disses Bush's Ad Hoc Military Tribunals

A limited ruling, and very, very late, but one that spells out some of the painfully-obvious points about these military tribunals that were slammed together, in a hurry, in the law-free gulag playland the Bush Administration has put together there at Guantanamo.

Most significant is this:
3. That Common Article 3 of Geneva aplies as a matter of treaty obligation to the conflict against Al Qaeda. (See also the AMK concurrence: "The provision is part of a treaty the United States has ratified and thus accepted as binding law. By Act of Congress, moreover, violations of Common Article 3 are considered 'war crimes,' punishable as federal offenses, when committed by or against United States nationals and military personnel. See 18 U. S. C. § 2441.") This ruling has enormous implications for the Administration's detention and interrogation practices, because the Administration's legal conclusion that CA3 does not apply, and that we will not apply it as a matter of practice, was the key linchpin to the entire edifice of legal maneuvers that led to waterboarding, hypothermia, degradation, etc. See my post here. Per today's decision, the Administration appears to have been engaged in war crimes, which are subejct to the death penalty. Although I don't think due process would allow prosecution based on conduct previously undertaken on OLC's advice that CA3 did not apply (after all, the Chief Justice concluded, in the D.C. Circuit, that CA3 did not apply), practices going forward are bound to change, and quick. (I'm sure the memos are being drafted and distributed in the CIA and DOD even as we "speak.")
Here is the news from Reuters:
In a sharp rebuke of President George W. Bush's tactics in the war on terrorism, the U.S. Supreme Court on Thursday struck down as illegal the military tribunal system set up to try Guantanamo prisoners.

By a 5-3 vote, the nation's highest court declared that the tribunals, which Bush created right after the September 11 attacks, violated the Geneva Conventions and U.S. military rules.

"We conclude that the military commission convened to try (Salim Ahmed) Hamdan lacks power to proceed because its structure and procedures violate" the international agreement that covers treatment of prisoners of war, as well as the Uniform Code of Military Justice, Justice John Paul Stevens wrote for the court majority.

The decision was a stinging blow for the administration in a case brought by Hamdan, who was Osama bin Laden's driver in Afghanistan. Hamdan, captured in November 2001, is one of about 450 foreign terrorism suspects at the U.S. naval base in Guantanamo Bay, Cuba.

... Stevens, at 86 the high court's longest-serving justice and a leading liberal, said the tribunals failed to provide one of the most fundamental protections under U.S. military rules, the right for a defendant to be present at all proceedings.

"The rules specified for Hamdan's trial are illegal," he said.

In a 73-page opinion, he also said there was no reason why Hamdan could not be tried by court-martial, which offers greater protections for defendants than the tribunal.

At the White House, Bush said he had not fully reviewed the ruling and would consult with the U.S. Congress to attain appropriate authority for military tribunals.

...A Pentagon spokesman reiterated the need for a U.S. facility to hold dangerous captives and Bush spokesman Tony Snow added, "This will not mean closing down Guantanamo."

...Civil liberties and human rights groups were also jubilant. Amnesty International said it "sends a clear message to President Bush that he cannot act unilaterally to create a system of law from thin air."

... Stevens said the military commissions were not authorized by the U.S. Congress. He did not address whether the government can detain Hamdan indefinitely but said the government must "comply with the rule of law" in seeking to try Hamdan and subject him to criminal punishment.

... He was joined by the other liberal justices David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer, and moderate conservative Anthony Kennedy.

Breyer wrote in a separate opinion, "The court's conclusion ultimately rests on a single ground: Congress has not issued the executive a 'blank check.'"

The conservatives -- Justices Antonin Scalia, Clarence Thomas and Samuel Alito, who was appointed by Bush -- dissented.

The ninth member of the court, Chief Justice John Roberts, also appointed by Bush, removed himself because he was on the U.S. appeals court panel that ruled for the Bush administration in Hamdan's case.

Republican lawmakers vowed to act quickly in view of the ruling. Senate Armed Services Committee Chairman John Warner of Virginia said his committee would consider revising laws governing the detention of enemy combatants.
Another Advantage Of Not Having A Cell Phone!

Via E-Mail from my sister:
JUST A REMINDER....4 days from today, all cell phone numbers are being released to telemarketing companies and you will start to receive sale calls. YOU WILL BE CHARGED FOR THESE CALLS.... To prevent this, call the following number from your cell phone: 888-382-1222. It is the National DO NOT CALL list. It will only take a minute of your time.It blocks your number for five (5) years. HELP OTHERS BY PASSING THIS ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS OR GO TO: http://www.donotcall.gov/
The Moron Speaks Again

Lee Siegel decides today that Jon Stewart is the problem with lack of participation in our democratic system, particularly by young people:
I don't want to hurt any more feelings out there, but I have to tell you: Jon Stewart's show is destroying democracy as we know it.

...a new study by two researchers at East Carolina University found that Stewart's cynicism has the effect of making viewers so disgusted with politics on both sides of the aisle that they feel too discouraged to vote. Constant ridicule seems to have the effect of turning the political system into one gigantic self-parodying freak show, with no sign of imminent change or relief.

That could be why all the pre-election talk about Jon Stewart sending his young viewers--though the average age of a "Daily Show" viewer is actually 47--to the polls in great numbers to vote for Kerry was just that--talk. It simply never happened.

So maybe ridicule and invective, though entertaining, and a refreshing alternative to the mainstream media's passivity and reserve, isn't the boon to democracy it's cracked up to be? Anyway, don't despair, and don't get enraged because that's just the bad news about Stewart. The good news is that he's not a fascist.
If Mr. Siegel bothered to actually watch the Daily Show, he could see that Jon Stewart does not heap "constant ridicule" on the political system. The Daily Show plays favorites - Thank God!

Atrios also has some feel-good points along the same lines.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Is The Translation Technically Correct?....

Or are the negative connotations so deep that the journalist should be cited for professional malpractice?:
A Spanish news agency has apologized for a report that describes an Arizona gubernatorial candidate's proposed work program for illegal immigrants as "concentration camps."

The story last week caused an international stir.

The news agency EFE quoted Republican Don Goldwater as saying he wanted to hold illegal immigrants in camps to use them "as labor in the construction of a wall and to clean the areas of the Arizona desert that they're polluting."
Pictures From The Ketchum-Wiggins Farewell Party

There is a room that's full of toys,
There are a hundred BOYS AND GIRLS,
Nobody shouts or talks too loud,
Not in my castle on a cloud.
(From 'Castle on a Cloud,' "Les Miserables")

Hopping around the cool inflatable castle! Just one of a bunch of photos taken on Sunday, June 4th, courtesy of Karyl Ketchum, who says:
...[L]ink to the pics from our going-away party. Thought I would have them up well before this but, to my complete frustration, our moving truck was delayed and I only just this past Sunday had access to my computer. Other than that, all is well here and we are enjoying the beach! Hail will be beginning La Jolla Playhouse’s Summer Conservatory in about a week and I am busy planning my courses for the fall. Hope all is well with you.
Alarm Bells...

...Go off at the Mirage during the new show there ('Love'), to the annoyance of the performers.
Today Might Be The Formal Start of the Arizona Monsoon Season

Despite the current low humidity. But we'll see (from the National Weather Service in Tucson):
HERE IS AN INTERESTING MONSOON START DATE TIDBIT. FOR YEARS THAT END IN `6`...THE START DATE HAS BEEN CENTERED ON JUNE 28TH (1956...JUNE 28TH; 1966...JUNE 28TH; 1976...JUNE 28TH; 1986...JUNE 29TH; 1996...JUNE 30TH). SO WILL THIS TREND CONTINUE FOR 200(6)?
Germany Staggers

Actually, it's the English that are staggering:
ENGLAND's massive army of World Cup fans is drinking Germany dry, it emerged yesterday.

Breweries warned beer could run out before the final because of huge demand from our supporters.

In Nuremberg, organisers revealed 70,000 England fans who flooded the city drank 1.2MILLION pints of beer - an average of 17 pints each.

Astonished bar keeper Herrmann Murr said: "Never have I seen so many drink so much in such little time."

His bar at a fans' tent in the city ran out after they drained all 32 of his 50-litre (11 gallon) barrels.

Herr Murr calculated Britons were shifting beer at a staggering rate of 200 pints per minute.

... A spokesman said: "It is incredible how much is being drunk but the hardest thing for the breweries is keeping up with the thirst of the English."

In Dortmund, where most fans for England's Gelsenkirchen clash against Portugal on Saturday are staying, the giant DAB brewery is bracing itself by ferrying in extra supplies to boost production.
Scary Weirdness

At Las Vegas' McCarran Airport.

That airport is one strange place. People are basically friendly, despite the sometimes zoolike conditions to get people checked onto airlines.

In 1992, when passing through the airport to my mother's funeral, I had several hours to kill there, and so I attempted to locate a Bible in the terminal. Oddly enough, there are no Bibles to be had anywhere in the airport. How strange is that?

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

That Enabling Blue Pill

I wasn't going to touch this with more than a 10-foot-pole until the facts were in - after all, I am also a middle-aged man thinking about travelling overseas later this year - but I was overwhelmed by a bout of blogofascism:
I know that a good establishment liberal would refrain from even discussing the fact that Rush Limbaugh likes to go to one of the underage sex capitals of the world with a bottle of Viagra in one hand and God knows what in the other. Lee Siegel would find it wholly imappropriate of me to even bring it up. After all, Rush and his allies may have spent years harrassing Democrats for sexual indiscretions, but it's beneath the blogs to sink to his level and make a big deal out of this.

... Rush should be the poster boy for a new movement. It isn't right that he is the only man in America who can get his Daddy's Little Helpers prescribed in his doctor's name instead of his own. Many men, I'm sure, would be grateful not to have to deal with the embarrassment of a pharmacist knowing about his need for Viagra and now that he's known as a user, the least Rush can do is promote the right for all Americans to carry them without a prescription in their names, as he does.

Rush should be urged to share his story with America. Here's he is, an impotent, thrice divorced, ex-drug addict, conservative, parolee who went on a sex tour in the Caribbean and found himself rudely embarrassed for carrying recreational prescription drugs in his doctor's name. Who can't relate to that? This is a man who has been run through the mud and I think we would benefit from a thorough national conversation to try to understand Rush's urgent need for sex in one of the most poverty stricken countries in the world.
Backwards Bush

Because there are only so many seconds left to go.
Blogofascism

Good thoughts by Josh Marshall:
More generally, I think the blogosphere, in contrast to more staid venues for writing is something like the much more popular and participatory sort of theater culture you had in the 19th and well into the 20th century (you may remember seeing some hint of this funned up in old Bugs Bunny cartoons) where, if the audience didn't like what they were hearing or seeing, they started booing. Or hooting. Or heck, maybe tossing raw vegetables. You get a sense of Siegel's reaction when he grandly opines that the blogosphere, "radiates democracy's dream of full participation but practices democracy's nightmare of populist crudity..."

Siegel is like some would-be Alexander Woollcott who thinks he's taking a seat at the Algonquin Table. But he's shown up on the stage at some freewheeling vaudeville theater. And when the crowd starts booing his pompous malarkey and he gets hit in the head with a ripe tomato, he imagines it's some world-historical event.

...I tried really hard to come up with something intelligent to say about this nonsense. But Siegel's foolishness defied me. And all I can do is keep giggling that this guy actually can write this stuff with a straight face.
Will The Supreme Court Decide CO2 Emissions Should Be Regulated?

Highly unlikely. U.S. laws governing air quality, including the Clean Air Act of 1990, are actually quite specific about not including carbon dioxide. To implement such a program, laws would have to be changed.

In any event, it has always seemed to me that greenhouse gas emissions can't easily be regulated. With other air pollution problems, if you regulate emissions, you regulate air quality, but with a cumulative problem like CO2, your efforts become increasingly ineffective with time, as concentrations inexorably build. There are better ways to address the problem (e.g., conservation and technological solutions) than through regulation.
Small Favors

George Bush decides to go after both Social Security and Medicare next year. In this 2006 election cycle, he's being less subtle than in the 2004 election cycle, which leaves Republican candidates even less wiggle room than in 2005:
If we can't get it done this year, I'm going to try next year. And if we can't get it done next year, I'm going to try the year after that, because it is the right thing to do. It's just so easy to say, let somebody else deal with it. Now is the time to solve the problems of Medicare and Social Security, and I want your help.
Hot Air

There's a special tropical disturbance statement out this afternoon for North Carolina. Several years ago, a storm like this, carrying strong thunderstorms but no circulation, would have passed with barely a comment, except from fishermen, but today, the Drudge Report is trumpeting the special announcement as a headline. Plus, there is a tropical wave 800 miles east of the southern Windward Islands (scary! scary!), but Drudge doesn't mention that the wave is disappearing, not gathering strength.

Whatever it takes to sell advertising, I guess. It's just as important not to overreact as to react too slowly.

For the most part, the Atlantic has been fairly quiet this season, so far....
Talking about underreaction, there is a new book out by Douglas Brinkley about Hurricane Katrina:
Well, it’s because you have widespread poverty in America, and there’s a real underclass to New Orleans, which the city boosters try to sweep under the rug. It’s a city teeming with poverty, and if the poor don’t have automobiles, it’s because they have a ticket or a traffic violation, and they haven’t paid it; or, the seniors are just too old to drive. Some people were caretakers -- a daughter who stayed because her mother was so sick that she couldn’t be moved. You had lonely people who were just stuck or waiting for their Social Security checks. They were supposed to get a check August 31, so on the 29th when the storm was coming, they didn’t want to leave town with no way out, no clear places to get buses, and with empty pockets. We make the assumption that we’re all watching the Weather Channel, we all have cable TV, and read newspapers, but there’s a whole segment of the population that just feel like “we don’t do hurricanes in New Orleans” so if they’ve lived there for 40 years and survived them all, then they’ll survive this one. They just weren’t prepared for the magnitude that occurred.
From Drudge...

Rush's big adventure:
RUSH LIMBAUGH: 'HOW DID BOB DOLE'S LUGGAGE GET ON MY AIRPLANE? I TOLD MY DOCTOR I WAS WORRIED ABOUT THE NEXT ELECTION'... ...CUSTOMS DID NOT BELIEVE ME WHEN I TOLD THEM THAT I GOT THOSE PILLS AT THE BILL CLINTON PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY'...
Help Wanted...

Hey, I'm available anytime to appear at one of these paying gigs - after all, flights to Las Vegas on Southwest Airlines aren't that hard to come by:
In exchange for letting 'Jet' advertise her birthday party at the club in mass emails and on websites, [Kelly] Monaco and her entourage of eight were given first-class airfare from Los Angeles to Las Vegas, rooms at the Bellagio, free booze and a few thousand in chips to gamble. The deal was worth maybe $10,000.

"Everyone pays celebrities to come to their clubs," says Andrew Sasson, co-owner of Jet, as well as Light at the Bellagio. "It's all part of the marketing in this business. Anyone who tells you they don't is lying. The question is: Do you pay with cash, or provide a jet, a meal, drinks and hotel rooms?"

...To the club owners, it's cheap marketing. On any given Friday night as many as 5,000 people party at the nightclub Pure at Caesars Palace casino. Roughly half pay a $40 cover charge. At that rate the club can sometimes cover the cost of a celebrity before selling a drop of booze.

Nicky Hilton and her boyfriend, Kevin Connolly, were paid $75,000 each to host Pure's New Year's Eve party.

Fergie, a singer in the pop group The Black Eyed Peas, was paid $50,000 to have her birthday party at the club. Britney Spears' husband, Kevin Federline, got $30,000 to show up.

... George Maloof Jr. started the Hollywood trend in Vegas in 2001 with his Palms casino resort just off the Strip. Maloof courted stars like Britney Spears and Shaquille O'Neal, and his clubs Rain and Ghostbar flourished.

Victor Drai, managing partner of Tryst at Wynn Las Vegas, finds the trend ridiculous: "I don't pay celebrities anything. And if they want to drink here, they're going to pay. They're stars. They can afford it."
I wonder what Andrew Sasson would say to Mr. Drai?
Got Wood?

Indian cinema apparently has many capitals:
Bollywood, near Mumbai, is an enormous studio centre that has elevated schmaltz to an art form, churning out hundreds of saccharin films every year to an apparently insatiable audience.

You know the story: plot-free, fanciful scripts loaded with coquettish love scenes on lavish sets punctuated by syrupy song and dance routines involving casts of hundreds ... but there are more.

Kollywood, based in Chennai, produces similar films in Tamil language. Mollywood pumps out Malayalam language films in Kerala. Lollywood does the same in Lahore, Pakistan.

And then there is Tollywood.

Tollywood produces hundreds of movies in the southern Tegulu and Tamil languages and is based in Hyderabad, the capital of Andra Pradesh state and one of India's most unusual cities.
That Blogofascism Meme

The more out-of-control, the funnier (unlike, say, real fascism):
Q: Is Markos Marsupialopolis gay, as Instapundit graciously refrained from implying?

A: No. This is a common misconception, fostered by Hollywood’s deliberate policy of putting out that gay cowboy movie around about the same time they were putting out all those damn Hobbit movies. Let’s clear this up once and for all: cowboys are gay. Gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. Hobbits, on the other hand, just like going on extended backpacking holidays with their live-in male gardeners, during which they exchange soulful and significant glances and cry and hug and say “oh, Sam!” in a way which, if they were cowboys, would be totally gay, but, seeing as they are hobbits, just totally isn’t. Then the gardener marries the girl from scene 2 who didn’t get any lines, and then Frodo, the confirmed bachelor, goes on a permanent boating holiday with a bunch of “elves”. Dead butch behavior if you ask me.
"One man likes to push a plow, the other likes to chase a cow...."

Monday, June 26, 2006

Cravings

Gotta satisfy them:
WEST PALM BEACH Sources have confirmed to CBS4 News that conservative talk show host Rush Limbaugh has been detained at Palm Beach International Airport for the possible possession of illegal prescription drugs Monday evening.
Maybe Alzheimer's After All

Ever since I was 38, I've had a terrible name remembering people's names, and indeed, with names of objects in general. And then there's this study, which shows, um, something important.....I forget!:
A study found that in a disturbing number of cases, embarrassing "senior moments" such as forgetting a recent conversation or drawing a blank on someone's name may really be a sign of Alzheimer's after all.

...Occasional forgetfulness is often written off as a normal part of growing old and nothing to get alarmed about. And in most cases, that is probably true.

But the scientists found to their surprise that the brains of more than one-third of the participants were riddled with waxy protein clumps and other signs of degeneration that are hallmarks of Alzheimer's disease.

...Participants in the study had amounts of brain deterioration similar to those found in Alzheimer's patients who were severely debilitated by the mind-robbing disease before their deaths. The researchers said that raises the question of why some afflicted people but not others can function normally.

"There's something about these people that allows them to have large amounts of pathology without obvious memory problems," said lead author Dr. David Bennett, an Alzheimer's researcher at Rush University Medical Center. "We need to understand why that is."

His theory, supported by earlier research, is that high levels of education and feelings of social connectedness can help preserve brain function. Bennett said he believes that helps create a "neural reserve" that enables people to tolerate Alzheimer's-induced brain deterioration without showing signs of dementia.

Some researchers believe that mentally stimulating tasks such as doing crossword puzzles, taking classes or reading can help prevent Alzheimer's. But Bennett said his new findings suggest that in some people, these tasks might also enable the brain to compensate for the disease.

...All had performed well on memory exams, although those whose autopsies showed Alzheimer's evidence had slightly lower scores on measures of episodic memory, which tested how well they recalled a story that had been recently read to them.

Episodic memory loss also includes things such as forgetting the name of a new acquaintance, a recent conversation, or an upcoming appointment.

People commonly undergo an age-related slowing of the ability to retrieve information. They might forget where they put their keys, but they usually remember eventually, Bennett said.

But when Alzheimer's is involved, new information is never properly stored, meaning the affected person never learned it well enough to be able to retrieve it, he said.

Lippa said the study bolsters the use-it-or-lose-it theory that says "if you don't keep yourself mentally challenged, your brain cells may die off," or be more subject to disease.
"Phantom" Opens in Vegas

This critic, who doesn't particularly like Andrew Lloyd Webber, likes this version of "Phantom."
Satan Tilts The Playing Field In Utah

Utah politics is a strange breed. Republican primary candidate John Jacob is having trouble with his campaign against sitting five-term Republican Congressman Chris Cannon, but Jacob suspects he knows who's at fault:
Regarding the devil, Jacob said Thursday that since he decided to run for Congress, Satan has bollixed his business deals, preventing him from putting as much money into the race as he had hoped.

Numerous business deals he had lined up have been delayed, freezing money he was counting on to finance his race.

"You know, you plan, you organize, you put your budget together and when you have 10 things fall through, not just one, there's some other, something else that is happening," Jacob said.

Asked if he actually believed that "something else" was indeed Satan, Jacob said: "I don't know who else it would be if it wasn't him. Now when that gets out in the paper, I'm going to be one of the screw-loose people."
Saddam's Hopes

There have been reports in the press lately that Saddam Hussein is hopeful that he will be released from prison, even if sentenced to death in an Iraqi court, because the U.S. needs someone to control Iraq and keep it out of Iranian hands, and he's the only one around with enough relevant experience to do the job.

Tanned, rested, and ready: the new Saddam!

How delusional are Saddam's hopes? It would make a complete and total mockery of all the U.S. efforts over the last three years, of course, but history has enough examples of stranger events (e.g., the pact between Hitler and Stalin prior to the invasion of Russia; the entire career of Napoleon) to make one hesitate.

Somehow, provided Saddam lives long enough (he's 69), I think his dream may come to pass.....

Sunday, June 25, 2006

High Spirits

Heading across the Yolo Causeway on I-80 to Davis for "Oklahoma!" this afternoon, a swarm of motorcyclists swooped up from behind, and began passing my car (I was going about 65 mph).

The lead motorcyclist took his feet off the pedals, placed his feet on the seat, and stood up on the seat (I believe he completely removed his hands from the handlebars, but I might be mistaken here). Then he sat back down and extended his feet outwards away from the pedals, in a sort of wishbone position (I've read accounts by physicists explaining that the wishbone position is very unstable on a bicycle, and presumably isn't such a good idea on a motorcycle either, but is probably more manageable because of the greater mass and rotational inertia of the motorized cycle). Then the fellow sat sidesaddle. Then he began repeating his three tricks for the benefit of his six or eight compatriots on motorcycles.

Judging from the red tail lights of the cars ahead of me, this impromptu performance was beginning to creep people out. The motorcyclists didn't care: they slipped through the gaps in between the cars and raced westwards.

I hope they reached their destination safely.
"Oklahoma!" - Weekend Shows

Shows four, five and six down! Second Friday went reasonably well. I didn't really get my dance groove on until after 'Kansas City' - forgot a couple of things - very much a second Friday sort of thing. A few things went awry. In the second act, Brad made his intrusive noise too soon, so he had to repeat it. Nice appreciative audience, though. Jennifer Bonomo (OK! Set Designer) was there. It was really nice to see YPT's Nora Unkel too!

The Saturday audience was large and noisy. There was a plethora of many loud RSP fans, as well as other local musical theater folks. Everybody was there: Ray Fisher and James Brave; Mike and Kim Jones, Andrea St. Clair (soon to be in "Seven Brides for Seven Brothers", opening July 7th at RSP); Jason Parsons, Meghan and Katherine Vanderford (Patty Simcox and Frenchie, respectively, in Flying Monkey's "Grease" at the Guild Theater), Julia Soto, WOH's Jinn Schneider; the list seemed endless. So many of the magical Sacramento theater folk turned out! Very nice to play to that house.

On Saturday, the dancing went well, but timing overall seemed to be an issue tonight. Bob Bugg tripped up on 'Scandal....', jumping a verse. The music tempo went awry during 'Oklahoma' and we had to feel our way. Even the auction felt strange, with ever so slight changes from usual. Lauren Miller and Brad Bong seemed unusually good on Saturday night, however - lots of energy!

Strangely, a few people in the audience laughed when Jud fell on his knife, both on Saturday as well as Sunday. People react strangely sometimes to well-simulated death scenes, as if they resist being pulled into action that looks just too real. Michael McElroy had a bit of blood him after that scene ('Jud Blood', apparently, although it looked real enough in the backstage half-light). Near the end, Robert tripped up on 'Curley's Surley'.

Saturday night was also the last performance for Ryan Favorite as Ike Skidmore (Steve Isaacson, recovering from knee surgery, returned to the role on Sunday). We will miss Ryan a great deal, although we understand he has better things to do soon, like busting up wedding receptions in "Fiddler..." at Music Circus.

On Sunday, timing issues momentarily sandbagged Mary Young (Aunt Eller) in 'Farmer and the Cowman.' We somehow muffed catching Brad Bong in 'Kansas City'. Steve was back as Ike Skidmore, but got distracted during the moment when he intervenes to prevent a clash between Jud and Curley, during the auction scene. Steve jumped in between the two protagonists, fumbled for the words, and managed to get them out, more or less, but he sounded less like a referee and more like William Shatner channeling Yoda for an improvised lounge singing act.

Helping carry Jud (Jamie Tvrdik) offstage after the knife scene is probably the hardest thing I do during the entire show, because Jud is supposed to appear dead, and can't assist with the lift in any way, such as by stiffening his body while being carried off, as Dream Curley (Ryan Adame) does while mimicking formal death during the ballet scene. On Sunday, leaning over to pick up Jud, my hat either fell, or was brushed off, and landed on Jud's belly and rolled around. "Oh crap," I whispered, in close proximity to the audience, and that slip sent everyone carrying Jud into paroxysms of suppressed giggles, especially Michael McElroy. Even Jud was biting his bloody lip and giggling. It's hard enough as it is to carry Jud offstage, but it's agonizingly harder when you can't breathe because you are suppressing screams of laughter!

Two weekends down; two to go!

In other news, I learned on Saturday that Carly Wielstein ('Cinderella', DMTC, Spring 2004 - Flying Monkeys' Benefit, February 2006), who attends Cal State Fullerton, will be teaching dance this summer at Ron Cisneros' studio in Sacramento, so get on down there soon to pick up the latest in lyrical ballet, plus whatever else they do in Southern California.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Tampa Outlook

Story today about a potential tropical storm in the Bahamas, likely to be named Beryl. This has been showing up in the weather forecasts for some time now, with different forecasts about its strength, but there hasn't been any indication from anybody that it will head for Florida. Instead, it's like to drift north over open water, making a feint towards the Virginia/North Carolina coasts, then heading north again.

Of greater concern is a potential tropical storm developing over the Bay of Campeche, in the western Gulf of Mexico, around, June 28th, and heading NNE, perhaps toward Louisiana, or the northern Gulf of Mexico, reaching there around the 30th. Tampa may feel some effects from this, shortly after July 1st. We'll need to keep our eyes on this storm, which is forecast right now to be weaker than Beryl, but closer, and therefore more of a threat.
Another Ancient Tortoise Bites The Dust

In March, it was that 250-yr-old Calcutta tortoise that passed on. Now, one of Charles Darwin's pets passes on, just north of Brisbane, Queensland, Australia:
THE world's oldest animal in captivity has died on the Sunshine Coast at the ripe old age of 176.

Giant Galapagos tortoise Harriet has died of a suspected heart attack.
She was a star attraction at Steve Irwin's Australia Zoo since the 1980s and even features in the Guinness Book of Records for her longevity.

Her history is as colourful as the hibiscus flowers she lovingly munched on.

It is believed Harriet was one of three animals naturalist Charles Darwin brought back from his trip to the Galapagos Islands in 1835 and which led to his theories of evolution and natural selection.
More Navel-Gazing From Vegas

Why doesn't Broadway do better there?:
Broadway is sizzling. Broadway-in-Vegas is fizzling. Even as the Great White Way is seeing record attendance and its boffo-est box office ever ($862 million this season), it's a different story out here. Attempts to transplant the Broadway musical to the Las Vegas Strip have found the soil infertile and the tilling arduous.

...The latest attempt to consummate the Vegas-Broadway marriage occurs Saturday, when Phantom: The Las Vegas Spectacular, an adapted-for-the-Strip edition of Andrew Lloyd Webber's Phantom of the Opera, is rolled out at the Venetian. If it's a success, the timing will be fortuitous indeed.

On June 11, Broadway was throwing itself a party, in the form of the annual Tony Awards. That same night, over at Luxor, the curtain was descending for the last time on Hairspray, the John Waters musical that arrived on a wave of ballyhoo and lasted less than four months.

..."Broadway is becoming more and more like Las Vegas," contends New York Times theater critic Ben Brantley, but the reverse equation doesn't compute. For casino consultant Jeffrey Compton, "We're talking about such different animals. You'll occasionally get a crossover, but it's few and far between.

"There's so much to do in Las Vegas that is free," adds Compton, echoing observations made by Avenue Q executive producer Kevin McCollum. "There isn't a real demand that every night we have to go to a show. You can watch the fountains [or] whatever they do in front of Treasure Island."

...The news isn't entirely grim. Down at Mandalay Bay, Mamma Mia! keeps the Broadway brand going through good times and bad, but it's an exception to so many Sin City rules that few useful conclusions can be drawn. In a town where the intermission-less, 90-minute spectacle is God, Mamma Mia! runs 2 1/2 hours with an interval. Avenue Q had Tony Award buzz and exclusivity west of the Mississippi. Mamma Mia! has played around the globe, lacks critical approval and is buoyed by songs that were the subject of ridicule not so many years ago (before Bono made it safe to like ABBA again). Its appeal transcends languages, though, a (near) guarantor of success.

There's a Mamma Mia!-like boomlet taking place over at the Las Vegas Hilton, where the similarly estrogen-intensive, Los Angeles import Menopause: The Musical has become a pint-sized blockbuster, enough to justify double casting and an expanded performance schedule. Of course, the Hilton isn't trying to fill 1,800 seats with the show, but it's flourishing while nearby Dragapella withered on the vine. "This show has a dynamic of its own," says the Hilton's Ira David Sternberg, of Menopause. "You can't couple it with any other trend."

On the other hand, Harrah's answer to We Will Rock You was, "No, you won't." Having unplugged the Queen-themed musical, it now puts its eggs in the basket of The Producers, bowing at Paris Las Vegas late this summer. If the early buzz is optimistic on Phantom is and guardedly pessimistic on The Producers, the wild card is Spamalot. For good or ill, the handwriting will already be on the wall for both of its predecessors when Spamalot begins rehearsals in November for a spring 2007 Vegas debut, climaxing the second wave of the Broadway invasion. While we wait for the Killer Rabbit and Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, what lessons can be learned from the Great Musical Massacre of 2006?

Sometimes you're just stuck with a lemon. Hairspray has been losing money on the road, and on Broadway it's only number eight among the top 10 shows. Spamalot, Mamma Mia!, The Producers and venerable Phantom are all drawing better -- and box office champ Wicked is rumored to have been spurned by Vegas.

"Harvey [Fierstein] is a very good actor and he's a very hard worker," says Compton, "but he's not a name that translates well in Las Vegas."

Friess agrees: "Don and Mary from Des Moines didn't know who he was and it didn't sell any tickets." Nor did it generate positive word of mouth, which Sternberg cites as central to the continued hot streak of Menopause and to which Compton credits some of the staying power of Mamma Mia!

Friess thinks part of the problem boils down to matching the show with the property. In other words, beehive hairdos and Egyptian pyramids make an odd fit. "The brilliant match of a show and a property is O at Bellagio," he explains. "The elegance, the beauty, even the name fits that property like a glove." He cites Cirque's pan-sexual, envelope-pushing Zumanity as a show that actually redefined its host casino, New York-New York. The Gotham-themed resort had always planned to reach for an urban demographic, Friess says, and Zumanity has "got a cutting edge to it and the rest of the property followed suit." By contrast, the earlier Madhattan offered too much rap and hip-hop for tourists' taste.

Phantom's producers appear to buy Friess' theory. "The Venetian fit best in marrying the themes of the show plus the scenery, the elegance and the architecture," co-producer Scott Zeiger told Variety. Ironically, Paris-set Phantom isn't playing Paris-Las Vegas, which even replicates the show's central location, the Palais Garnier. Friess cites Paris as a casino that's really struggled to find a show to fit its image. In addition to We Will Rock You, inauspicious predecessors to The Producers include Notre Dame de Paris, a notoriously ill-fated show Review-Journal theater critic Anthony Del Valle sums up as "two hours of whining."

Avenue Q, according to Friess, suffered from a disconnect between its young-urbanite subject matter and Wynn's aging-urbanite customer base. Shirty comments to TripAdvisor.com, like "revolted ... we could only stomach the political leftist agenda for 20 minutes," conjure up the vision of so many Eustace Tillys and Margaret Dumonts storming out of Wynn Las Vegas in high plutocratic dudgeon.

...The Gray Lady's Brantley speaks for many when he says, "The ideal shows for Vegas would be things that don't demand your unconditional attention -- or else they're splashy enough to command your unconditional attention," a point Del Valle seconds. Or, in the words of Variety correspondent Phil Gallo, "Las Vegas audiences have little patience for story and characters." But spectacle never goes out of style. The proliferation of Cirque du Soleil shows on the Strip is nowhere near saturation point. Cirque's newest, the Beatles-themed Love, is universally expected to do blockbuster business, and Cirque already has an Elvis-centric follow-up on the drawing boards.

Cirque Lite, however, is a brand for which Vegas consumers have less appetite. Imitations like Storm are already half-forgotten and Dragone's Le Reve has been dogged by negative buzz from its opening. "Only Cirque doing Cirque will work. There's just something Cirque knows how to do," says Friess, and part of that is to have more going on than can be digested in one sitting, practically forcing repeat business. So too Phantom, which is being re-tooled into a sort-of theme park attraction.

...Even before the expensive lesson of Hairspray, its producer, Michael Gill, was contemplating bringing Broadway's The Wedding Singer (from the Adam Sandler movie) and a Riverdance knockoff to Vegas. After all, if there is one point of overwhelming consensus on the cul de sac that was Avenue Q, it's that Vegas customers cleave to the comfort of familiarity. "People feel safer with things they know," says the Avenue's McCollum. Kranes seconds the notion: Vegas audiences are uncomfortable with "things that are funky and quirky, unless they are un-narrative like Cirque du Soleil. It's not enough to know this won a Tony Award if you haven't seen it."

What that almost certainly means is more "jukebox musicals," which Friess describes as "a fancy version of the low-rent tribute concerts that are all over the Strip." It's no longer enough that people leave singing the tunes -- they have to be humming them on the way in. Even Phantom, thanks to 18 years on Broadway, a steadily selling album and more touring companies than you can shake a chandelier at, has the kind of pre-sold cachet that keeps Mamma Mia! rolling, even at less-than-sellout numbers in Las Vegas.

Pointing to the niche-market success of Menopause, Compton says it shows there's a theater audience in Las Vegas -- just not a big one. Del Valle thinks productions like Avenue Q will eventually survive, but only when eight or nine Broadway shows are running on the Strip: "At least it's a question mark now. Maybe in a few years it'll be an exclamation point."

For the moment, though, everything is riding on the man in the mask. "If Phantom doesn't work {here}, then nothing will work," proclaims Friess. "Period. End of story."

Kranes proposes another solution, elegant in its brutal simplicity: "Somebody should write a musical about the Chippendales."
Bev's Review of "Oklahoma!"

Here it is! She seems to have liked it.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Polite New York City

This rings true - I've only been there once, but I was really struck at how nice everyone was, at how people said 'excuse me' even when I was at fault, not them:
New Yorkers are a polite bunch.

No, really, they are. So says Reader's Digest.

The magazine sent reporters "undercover" to 36 cities, in 35 countries, to measure courtesy. New York was the only American city on the list.

...The reporters walked into buildings to see whether the people in front of them would hold the door open; bought small items in stores and recorded whether the salespeople said, "Thank you"; and dropped a folder full of papers in busy locations to see whether anyone would help pick them up.

New Yorkers turned out to be the most polite: 90 percent held the door open; 19 out of 20 store clerks said, "Thank you"; and 63 percent of men and 47 percent of women helped with the flying papers.

...The rudest continent is Asia, Readers Digest said. Eight out of nine cities tested there - including last place Mumbai, India - finished in the bottom 11. In Europe, Moscow and Bucharest ranked as the least polite.

Reader's Digest, which has editions in 21 languages, is publishing the results in its July issue.
Tough Year In The Desert

John visits Chaco Canyon, the intriguing archaeological ruin in NW New Mexico, and reports about the worrisome effects of the drought:
Chaco was interesting as always but exceedingly hot. We made the mistake of looking at ruins immediately after arriving around noon--I would have known better than that 30 years ago. The next day we did our exploring in the morning before the heat of the day became too overpowering and that definitely worked better. I was struck by the seriousness of the drought there. Even the desert plants are dying. Though they never look like particularly healthy things now most of them are literally half or even completely dead. And what I particularly noticed was that the lichens seem to by dying. Those things grow at a rate of millimeters per decade and can survive most anything--or so I assumed. I can't say positively that the large areas of dead lichens are actually recent but they seemed to be.
Interesting! I'm sure it can get hot there at Chaco Canyon, but I'm saddened to hear it's been so brutal. And glad to hear you didn't fall victim either!

The Southwest has been kicked around pretty hard this last year. I hope the monsoons get started soon - I guess they already have in NM, but AZ is still pretty dry. And fires. Too many fires!
Age Before Beauty, I Suppose

Hiss!:
MADONNA reportedly laughed "hysterically" after being told her pop rival Mariah Carey had to cancel several tour dates due to poor ticket sales.

The Hung Up singer is said to have gleefully welcomed the news that Mariah had to shelve a host of US shows because of a lack of interest.

A source told America's New York Daily News newspaper: "Madonna laughed hysterically. She has been asking her tour promoters to email her Mariah's sales."

It is believed Madonna still holds a grudge against the Butterfly singer because of something she said in an interview years ago.

The 47-year-old star is believed to be irked that Mariah, 36, once said she "grew up" listening to her music.
James Visited Seattle

And all I got was this postcard.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

The Wayfarer At Solstice

(Left) Recent publicity photo of "The Hobbit", American River College April 28 - May 7, 2006.










O! Where are you going?
With beards all a-wagging?
No knowing, no knowing,
What brings Mister Baggins,
And Balin and Dwalin
down into the valley
in June
ha! ha!

O! Will you be staying,
Or will you be flying?
Your ponies are straying!
The daylight is dying!

To fly would be folly,
To stay would be jolly
And listen and hark
Till the end of the dark
to our tune
ha! ha!
Tired as he was, Bilbo would have liked to stay awhile. Elvish singing is not a thing to miss, in June under the stars, not if you care for such things...Elves know a lot and are wondrous folk for news, and know what is going on among the peoples of the land, as quick as water flows, or quicker.
Solstice Day

Feel it! :
STONEHENGE, England -- Thousands of dancing and drumming revelers cheered the summer solstice at Stonehenge as an orange sliver of sun rose Wednesday.

Cloudy skies, dense fog and spurts of rain did not seem to dampen the energy of those who bobbed and swayed to cheerful beats with arms outstretched and shouts of "Feel the solstice!"

About 19,000 New Agers, present-day druids and partygoers gathered inside and around the ancient circle of towering stones to greet the longest day in the northern hemisphere as the sun struggled to peek out against a smoky gray sky.

"This is the nearest thing I've got to religion," said Ray Meadows, 34, of Bristol, England. The solstice "is a way of giving thanks to the earth and the universe."

Meadows, wearing a wreath of pink carnations over long pink hair-wrapped braids, identified herself as a fairy of the Tribe of Frog.

Stonehenge, on the Salisbury Plain 80 miles southwest of London, was built between 3000 B.C. and 1600 B.C. The lichen-covered rocks are a major tourist attraction and have spiritual significance for thousands of druids and New Age followers.
Frontier Touring Company Announcement

11:00 a.m. Melbourne NSW (6:00 p.m. PDT) Thursday.

Listening on Nova Radio.

[Update: Here are the dates]
Brisbane Entertainment Centre
Saturday 04 June 2005 now valid for Friday 17 November 2006
Sunday 05 June 2005 now valid for Saturday 18 November 2006
Monday 06 June 2005 now valid for Monday 20 November 2006


Kylie's back!

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Cluster Analysis

Who says figures lie? I wonder where that country song would hit, the surprisingly endearing one developed on '60 Minutes' to include every possible country cliche, the one about 'my mama got run over by a freight train the day they let me out of prison?':
IT will come as no surprise to anyone with an ear for music, but Abba's Eurovision-winning song Waterloo has all the characteristics of a surefire hit while this year's winner, Hard Rock Hallelujah by the outlandish Finnish band Lordi, doesn't.

The verdict was delivered by a computer running software developed for record companies to help them predict which songs will be hits and which will flop.
And it seems to work. Last week, Hard Rock Hallelujah was at number 25 on the British charts; Waterloo went to number one in 1974.

The developers claim the software can identify a potential Top 30 hit within 20 seconds and has an accuracy rate of at least 80 per cent.

Critics argue that the technology could stifle creativity and promote dull uniformity. But its backers say record labels may be encouraged to take more risks because the likely appeal of unusual songs can be judged in advance.

The program analyses 30 criteria including melody, beat, tempo, chord progression and cadence, and cross-refers them to a database of three million songs. It spots mathematical similarities even though songs might not sound the same or even be from the same genre.

It gives each piece of music a hit grading from zero to 1000. A score of 700 or more indicates the song falls into a cluster of existing hits on the database and, theoretically, has got what it takes to succeed. The software is also capable of scoring a new song on its longevity - its "classic grade".

The catchy Waterloo generated a hit rating of 722 and a classic grade of 764, justifying its enduring popularity. The software placed it in the same hit cluster as Keane's Is It Any Wonder? and Elton John's I Guess That's Why They Call It The Blues.

Lordi's song received a hit rating of just 368, way below the threshold for big-sellers.
Earth Surrounded by Giant Fizzy Bubbles

Science! Discover strange things you never expected (but somehow always suspected):
The space above you is fizzing with activity as bubbles of superhot gas constantly grow and pop around Earth, scientists announced today.

Astronomers found the activity up where Earth's magnetic field meets a constant stream of particles flowing out from the Sun.

While space is commonly called a vacuum, in fact there is gas everywhere, albeit not as dense as the air you breathe.

The newfound bubbles are technically called density holes. In them, gas density is 10 times lower. The gas in the bubbles is 18,000,000 Fahrenheit (10,000,000 Celsius) instead of the 180,000 degrees Fahrenheit of the surrounding hot gas, which is known as plasma.

The bubbles were found in data collected by the European Space Agency's Cluster mission, a flotilla of four spacecraft. ... The bubbles expand to about 620 miles (1,000 kilometers) and probably last about 10 seconds before bursting and being replaced by the cooler, denser solar wind, Parks and his colleagues say.
Presto! John Hancock Moves!

Message from Juan Ramos today:
John was finally and very suddenly transferred from Kaiser to Eskaton in Greenhaven once a bed became available last Friday (June 16th). So he is no longer in a hospital environment, which although I am grateful for the care/treatment he received at UCD and Kaiser, is a good thing. All his tubes have been removed and although he still requires skilled nursing, he is there primarily to mend and rehabilitate. It is a nice facility and is only a five minute drive from our home. The address of Eskaton is 455 Florin Rd about two blocks from Pocket Road, where Florin Road ends. Take I-5 South to LA, take the 43rd Street exit and turn right. Stay on this street until you hit Florin Road (which is a stoplight with a strip mall & Shell Gas station on your left and the Elks Lodge on your right) and take a left. Eskaton will be about two blocks on the left. He is in room B-5. It is not a very large room and he does share a room with another patient named Richard. Visiting hours are basically from 9:00 a.m. - 9:00 p.m. Please check with John first before you bring him any food. He is still not able to eat very much and I usually have to bring excess food home when I visit him after work. He has more than enough plants/flowers than the space in his room will allow. Cards are fine, but what he appreciates the most is your visits. We both thank you again for your continued support.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Ripped

This morning, I finally finished shredding all of Katherine Arthur's law papers, some 30+ boxes of densely-packed legal documentation that she stored at my house prior to her Peace Corps journey to Ukraine in 2002, and the discovery of her breast cancer in 2003, subsequent retirement, illness, and death on March 4th of this year. The project took three months, on and off. I destroyed one shredder, and have worn down another in the process. The hours of paper shredding have been a fine opportunity to bond with my rabbit Cloudy, but otherwise, what a drag!

Katherine had a family-law practice, and she was keen that her papers had to be destroyed in the event of her death. There were plenty of identity theft opportunities there, with photocopies of driver's licenses, Social Security cards, and credit card information for hundreds of clients. The documentation also gave detailed, intrusive information on the private lives of many hundreds of people: paternity tests, drug tests, interviews with hostile and vindictive people. There were also detailed clinical diagrams of bite marks, rope burns and cigarette burns. There was also plenty of information about childhood sexual abuse.

There was a class of confessional letters to family law judges that seemed like a minor literary form after awhile. The letters always seemed to start in the same way, suggesting that tired lawyers and social workers were pushing the same basic letter structure onto their clients, regardless of differences between cases. I never read more than the first line of these heart-breaking letters, but I read dozens of first lines. The letters would always start something like: Your honor, I'm sorry I:
  • let my child use drugs;
  • abandoned my children on a road side;
  • bathed my baby in scalding water;
  • spanked my daughters so hard they bled;
  • etc., etc., etc.
I suppose if I were a novelist, this information might have been a gold mine of dysfunction ripe for exploitation, but I was never tempted. Instead, after many hours of shredding, I began imagining that by destroying all this potentially-damaging information, I was actually purifying the world. Once everyone's identities were made safe again, people's memories could fog up and blur from the healing effects of time. Life could start again, fresh and new. After all, nothing can bring back an ugly past like a legal document, so .... do away with the document!

I just hope I'm right.....
...The Harder They Fall

Last night, while walking Sparky at 3:00 a.m. near 21st Street and Markham Way, two blocks south of my house in Curtis Park, we stumbled across a chaotic scene with firetrucks and chain saws and rattled people meandering in the street in the dark.

At about 1:30 a.m., a giant branch apparently fell out of a giant tree into the street. "Wow, that white sedan looks pretty bad," I told the Community Services Officer. "That's nothing," she said, "take a look at the camper shell!" Sure enough, the tree had flattened the camper shell on the back of a Datsun pickup truck across the street from the smashed-up white sedan.

It's late spring, nearly summer, the season when sap-loaded tree branches sometimes exceed the structural capacity of the tree itself.

I remember once seeing a tree limb give way, and crash down on 16th Street in Sacramento, just north of J St., fortuitously just after a pulse of traffic had passed by. And once, in 1994, while gazing at my car from a breakfast nook, while eating breakfast on a beautiful windless morning about 7:30 a.m., a limb fell out of a tree and smashed my windshield into a million pieces.

Chicken Little was right, the sky is falling!
"Oklahoma!" Opens At DMTC

(Left) 'Many A New Day,' Sunday afternoon, June 18th. Lavender (Claire Lawrence), Sun Yellow (Tawny Hansen), Strawberry (Dian Hoel), Powder Blue (Ashley Lowe), Lime Green (Bethany Pedersen), Royal Blue (Marissa Casillas). Seated on floor, Maya Rothman and Kristi Avila. Seated and standing in back, Dannette Vassar, Monique McKisson, Audrey Pan, Chelsea Beatty, Eva Cher. (Funny how it's the same pose, from a different angle, as the one I posted on Friday.)


A good opening weekend, overall. Opening night went unusually well for a DMTC show. A few light problems, and after wrassling inconclusively with the wobbly picket fence, the lights came up on Dannette while she was still onstage, but other than that, few big issues. One possible big stumbling point went well: we rechoreographed part of "Kansas City," the part prior to catching Will Parker (Brad Bong) in mid-air, but we didn't actually run through it, but just discussed it amongst ourselves, like civilized people do, but fortunately everyone got the memo, and so (mercifully for Brad) it worked.

(Left) Noel Bruening and Melissa Hasty at the concessions counter June 16th, opening night for "Oklahoma!"


On Saturday night, Steve's knee gave out on him, so stunt Ike Skidmore, Ryan Favorite, took control. Ryan had been cast in the part originally, but was replaced by Steve Isaacson when Ryan signed up to be a brutish Russian soldier in Music Circus' upcoming 'Fiddler on the Roof,' but Ryan was still available since Fiddler rehearsals haven't started yet. We didn't actually provide Ryan with page 40.5 of the script, however, so Ryan wasn't really in complete control, but more like a pawn in a pageant beyond his complete understanding, as if he were parachuted into some yahoo version of "Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead." A couple of lines got dropped during the show, and some weird stuff happened. Jamie banged his knee, and, at one point, Brad apparently sang 'Oh! Glaucoma!' instead of 'Oklahoma!'. Still, basically OK....

Sunday also went well, but a few problems there too. Monique McKisson's toe got smacked during the scene change into Jud's Smokehouse, and Claudia was ill.

Pretty successful weekend, overall, though.

Spirited and friendly cast. My favorite story of the rehearsal period involved Buffee Gillihan's struggle to master her costume for the Dream Ballet 'can-can' sequence. Amply-endowed Buffee needs a boostiere like the Pacific Ocean needs water, and she grew concerned at one point: "I'm afraid!" soprano Buffee exclaimed. In spontaneous bass unison, Andy Hyun and myself intoned, "I'm not."

Backstage humor seems to be more sophisticated than during "Titanic," an evolution that has more to do with Steven Ross' changing tastes than any particular development among the rest of us. There are fewer of the grisly, but ever-popular dead-baby jokes, and more jokes along the lines of AOL's 'you've got mail' slogan:
What did King Arthur's computer tell him? You've got grail.
Cleverness with these jokes is limited by the number of words rhyming with 'mail.' My favorite creation so far:
What did the gold miner's computer tell him? You've got shale.
The cast is struggling to keep 'Family-Guy' humor out of the show. Colorado-inspired humor is a different matter, though, namely humor inspired by the animated television show "South Park." In the auction scene one night, instead of a bid for "three fifty" for Laurie's basket, Michael McElroy actually bid "tree fitty", which derives from South Park episode number 303, Chef's Mama:

Chef's dad: Well, aren't you crackers just cute as the dickens?
Stan: You're Chef's parents?
Chef's mom: Yes, all his life.
Kyle: We have to talk to him!
Chef's dad: Well, he should be out now directly.
Chef's mom: Oh, he's so excited about the wedding now.
Chef's dad: Say, would you crackers like to hear about the time we saw the Loch Ness monster?
Stan: No, that's okay.
Chef's dad: Ooh, it must've been about seven, eight years ago. Me and the little lady was out on this boat, you see, all alone at night, when all of a sudden this huge creature, this giant crustacean from the paleolithic era, comes out of the water.
Chef's mom: We was so scared, Lord have mercy, I jumped up in the boat and I said "Thomas, what on earth is that creature?!"
Thomas: It stood above us looking down with these big red eyes,-
Chef's mom: Oh, it was so scary!
Thomas: -and I yelled. I said, "What do you want from us, monster?!" And the monster bent down and said, "…Uh I need about tree-fitty." [a long silence follows]
Kyle: What's tree-fitty?
Thomas: Three dollars and fifty cents.
Chef's mom: Tree-fitty.
Stan: He wanted money?
Thomas: That's right. I said "I ain't giving you no tree-fitty you goddamn Loch Ness monster! Get your own goddamn money!"
Chef's mom: I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: She gave him a dollar.
Chef's mom: I thought he'd go away if I gave him a dollar.
Thomas: Well of course he's not gonna go away, Nellie! You gave him a dollar, he's gonna assume you got more!

......

[Chef's house. Thomas is still telling the story…]
Thomas: And that was the third time we saw the Loch Ness monster. Then one time, I believe it was July-
Nellie: August.
Thomas: -August. There's a knock on the door. I open it, and there's this cute little girl scout-
Nellie: And she was so adorable, with the little pig tails and all.
Thomas: -And she says to me, "How would you like to buy some cookies?" And I said "Well, what kind do you have?" She had thin mints, graham crunchy things-
Nellie: Raisin oatmeal.
Thomas: -Raisin oatmeal, and I said "We'll take a graham crunch. How much will that be?" And she looks at me and she says, "…Uh I need about tree-fitty."
Nellie: …Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Well, it was about that time that I notice that girl scout was about eight stories tall and was a crustacean from the protozoic era.
Nellie: The Loch Ness monster.
Thomas: I said, "Dammit monster! Get off my lawn! I ain't giving you no tree-fitty!" It said, "how about just two-fitty?" I said, "Oh, now it's only two-fitty!! What?! Is there a sale on Loch Ness munchies or something?!"
Nellie: Lord, he was angry.
Thomas: Damn right, I was angry!
Nellie: Not you, the monster. He was about to kick your ass.
Thomas: Aah, shut your mouth, woman!
Stan: Uh, could you just tell Chef we were here?
Thomas: Sure. That crazy old monster [Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk out] Now, then the fourth time I saw the…

.......

Thomas: Oh, I remember when Chef was just a three-year-old little man. He came running up to me with a big smile and his little chef's hat on, and he said, "Poppa, poppa!" I said "What do you need, Chef, my boy?", and he said, "…I need about tree-fitty."
Nellie: …Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Well, it was about that time I got suspicious. I said, "Chef, why do you need tree-fitty?" He said, "My imaginary friend Goo-Goo the dinosaur wants it." I went to my son's room, and sure enough, there was the Loch Ness monster!
Nellie: Oh, it was scary!
Thomas: I said, "Dammit monster! You stop bugging my children now! We work for our money in this house and we don't give money away!"
Thomas: So I chased the monster down the street, you see…
.....

Thomas: [telling his tale to Randy and Sharon] …And then these aliens had me up on their ship, right? They was probing me and all that.
Nellie: We had taco salad that night.
Thomas: Don't matter what we had for dinner woman! Now this alien had a big head and big black eyes, and it was all bent over me. I said, "What do you want from me, alien?!" and do you know what he said?
Nellie: Tree-fitty.
Thomas: Uh. Let me tell the damn story now! He said, "tree-fitty." And so I realized I that it wasn't no alien, it was that God-damned Loch Ness monster again, trying to trick me into giving him tree-fitty by dressing up like an alien. Don't that just beat all?!
Nellie: I had just given him tree-fitty the week before.
Thomas: What?! You gave that monster another damn tree-fitty?!
Nellie: [somewhat defensive] He tricked me.
Thomas: Well no wonder the damn monster keeps coming back to our house! You keep giving it tree-fitty!

.....
[The optometrist's office. Cartman walks in with a large ice box. His bandages are off. Now we know why he wasn't at school with Stan and Kyle.]
Dr. Lott: Oh, hello, piggy. How are your eyes doing?
Cartman: After today they're gonna be fine, and I'll never have to see you ever again!
Dr. Lott: I don't think that's possible, piggy, not with your eyes.
Cartman: No, not with my eyes. With these! [takes Kenny's frozen head out of the box to show the eyes] Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Dr. Lott: Was he an organ donor?
Cartman: Eh-sure.
Dr. Lott: All right, then let's get to work. [Cartman gets in the chair, and the optometrist pulls out Kenny's left eye] Say, you don't have three dollars and fifty cents on you, do you?
Little did I know that Michael McElroy (and not Ryan Favorite) is an eight-story tall crustacean from the Proterozoic Era!