Dumbass Firebug

Left: The fire (here, recently doused) was ignited at the base of this gravesite at the southwestern corner of St. Joseph's Cemetery, near 21st Street and 2nd Avenue in Sacramento.


While talking on the phone on Sunday afternoon, I could smell smoke, but didn't investigate at first.

When I pulled out of my driveway in order to drive west to Davis, I passed a homeless man scurrying in the opposite direction, east, down the alley. I could see abundant smoke coming from the southwestern corner of the nearby cemetery.

I noticed another man watching the fire. I pulled up in my car, introduced myself, and asked him what was happening. It turned out that man, V., was one of my new neighbors, and he was worried about the fire.

"I called 911 to report the fire. You can hear the sirens approach now. That man," gesturing at the homeless man in the distance, now halfway down the alley, "was at the place where the fire started. I asked him: 'Did you start that fire?', and he replied, 'I might have.'"

Left: My new neighbor V. (on the right) discusses what he saw with a firefighter. Apparently V. did not see the man actually set the fire on the cemetery grounds, but he did see the man (the only person remotely-close to the fire), leave the immediate vicinity.


Incensed by the utter stupidity of someone starting a fire - upwind of my house! - on a hot, gusty afternoon, I turned my car around and followed the man. I mean, what kind of dumbass would do something like that? I was protected somewhat by the firebreak of the parking lot, true, but what if the fire had gotten into the crowns of the bordering palm trees? Fire can spread quickly under those circumstances! Tragedies like wind-whipped fires are a Californian specialty. There's no reason I couldn't lose my house to a fast-moving fire, even so close to downtown!

I saw the man sit under a tree two blocks away. I returned to report the miscreant's location to the firefighters, so they could go all medieval on him, firefighter-style.

Left: The fire fighter/investigator talks to the Dumbass. (For the more-circumspect among you, the Alleged Dumbass).


The firefighter reached the man just as I walked up with my camera. The firefighter addressed the man as follows: "Some people say they saw you next to the fire in the cemetery. Do you know why these people would say that?" With shocked innocence, the man replied: "I have no idea why they would say that!" Meanwhile, I grit my teeth and took photos.

One of the other firefighters, a lady, called me over for a gentle, understanding reprimand. "That fellow there is a trained fire investigator. Simply by asking questions, he might be able to get the fellow to admit to things he otherwise wouldn't if you are standing right in front of him, taking pictures. The witness didn't actually see the man start the fire. That puts us in a funny spot. Unless the fellow actually admits to it, there isn't much we can do."

So, knowing that Mr. Dumbass was escaping the reach of the law, I grit my teeth and drove away. But I do know one thing: that guy is NOT welcome in my neighborhood! If he shows up again anywhere close to my vicinity, he will feel the heat of my anger.

As my friends know, over the years, I've known and hired homeless folks (even befriending them, in the case of Joe The Plumber). Tolerance goes only so far, though. This particular guy needs to 'Get Lost'!