Center For Biological Diversity Is Teh Funny

On the earnest 'Save Our Planet From Destruction' E-Mail front, some humor:

Rural residents of northwestern Idaho stayed indoors this week after a 15-member pack, known as a "squish," of endangered giant Palouse earthworms was spotted rampaging through a neighborhood bar. Previous accounts of the species had asserted that the earthworms grow up to three feet long, smell like lilies and spit a harmless liquid short distances, but recent reports say the newly emerged worms are eight-footers that purposefully spit flesh-corroding juices up to 12 feet and carry a faint stench of man BO.

Though the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service denied the Center for Biological Diversity's petition to protect the giant Palouse earthworm, maintaining it was too rare to even deserve the adjective "rare," the unexpected appearance of these even more giant earthworms has forced the feds to admit to the species' inconvenient existence. Unfortunately, the feds have also said they're likely to issue an all-too-common "warranted-but-precluded" finding on the species due to its lack of being cute and the aforementioned body odor.

Eyewitnesses say the squish killed five cats and one miniature horse with their acidic projectile saliva and were last seen fighting over an 18-pack of Keystone Light.