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Sunday, January 09, 2011

At The Used-Car Lot

J.: Hi, I'm Jeff Blanco, owner of Paul Blanco, where we specialize in giving good people with credit hiccups a second chance. Now I usually don't come out here on the main floor very often, but the salesman you've been talking to is new, and I just want to make clear, if he didn't already, that we don't pressure people here at Paul Blanco, and we want to make sure that you get the very best deal possible. In fact, we would like to feature you in a TV advertisement talking about what a great deal you got here at Paul Blanco. Now, how would you like that?

E.: ?

J.: Well, maybe a written testimony?

E.: Maybe written?

(awkward silence)

J.: Now, the deal we've indicated here, I can't restart once you leave here today. We care about you, but the bank doesn't, and if we close a sale today, this deal holds, but we can't make any guarantees about tomorrow, or later. This bank was willing to pick this deal up today, but once you walk, they won't deal with you again. Perhaps another bank would, but we don't know, and probably not on such favorable terms.....

M: (Holy flippin' mackerel! At this prevailing 24.99% interest rate for good people with credit hiccups, even Marc Valdez's California Bank of Western Usury might give the deal a whirl. How do I get a cut of this business? Probably have to be on good terms with a lot of Repo Men, I suppose....)

J: Now, can we come to an agreement today?

E.: (crying)

(awkward silence)

M: I think we'll have to come back tomorrow....

[THE NEXT DAY]

S.: Now, are you prepared to sign the papers?

E.: I'm worried about the interest rate.

S.: Part of the "Fresh Start" program here at Paul Blanco involves dropping the interest rate by five or six points after you've made six or eight months' worth of payments.

E.: Drop to five or six percent?

S.: No, drop by five or six percent. Did we explain that before?

M.: No, I don't think so.

S.: So, are we prepared to sign?

M.: (looking at E.) No decision....

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