Bruce Otis' Annual Christmas Letter

There is no greater joy at Christmas time than reading friend Bruce Otis' annual Christmas letter!

A number of years ago, Bruce hit upon a multiple-choice-answer format for his letter that is wry and whimsical and very enjoyable to read. I think we should all abandon simple Christmas cards for this improved format! (I tried it once, but I'm not as wry or whimsical a writer as Bruce.)

In a portion of this year's letter, Bruce discusses his and his daughter's (ultimately successful) efforts to launch a balloon into the Minnesota sky:

Dear Reader,

Oh No! The year of pain apparently is not yet over. Once again it's that time when you must endure those glowing Christmas letters that make you want to

(_) convert to Islam
(_) get off my Christmas letter list.
(_) get ripped then convert to Islam.

This letter provides relief as you decide how depressing or uplifting this letter will be.

2009
Merry Christmas

The economic storm clouds that were gathering on the horizon as noted in last year's letter certainly came to fruition. Nowhere was this more evident than where I work. The first week of the New Year brought the first of many weeklong furloughs and devastating layoffs. To date we have lost about 60% of our folks. A furlough is

(_) an excuse to stay plowed all day.
(_) better than getting laid off.
(_) time off without pay.
(_) a great opportunity to perform volunteer work for the community.

Our economic struggles did not go un-noticed. Deep in the dark halls of the Capitol building in DC, our fine public servants were diligently putting together a stimulus plan that would surely

(_) fail.
(_) get votes.
(_) drive us further into financial ruin.
(_) come in handy.

While Congress was debating the bill, Danika and I made a 5-foot tall tissue paper hot air balloon and christened it "Stimulus 2009". We waited patiently for a quiet cold winter evening. Then on Jan 24th all systems were a go. The 150,000 BTU Nipco kerosene heater was fired up and in short order was glowing red. Danika and her buddy Anna grabbed the bottom corners of the balloon and directed it over the 90 degree elbow attached to the outlet of the heater. This quickly inflated the balloon an created so much buoyancy that the tissue paper started to tear. Subsequently I had to skip my big speech and the balloon was launched. With an outside temperature of -5 degrees F, it took off amazingly fast. The winds of change, however, immediately took the balloon into the neighbor's maple tree where it was destroyed in short order.

Not to be discouraged (or bored for that matter), I went to work on a second balloon - naturally christened "Stimulus II 2009". To avoid the errors of the last launch, we positioned the balloon much further away from the feared maple. With the balloon inflated, we waited for a breeze that would push the balloon north of the tree. When the conditions were right I gave a very short but upbeat speech and had Danika and Anna release the balloon. It took off with breath taking speed and flew right into the maple, and about 20 feet from the tattered remains of the first one. I was stunned and felt

(_) like chopping down the damn maple.
(_) I was littering big time.
(_) like Charlie Brown.
(_) that this was indeed an omen.

I spent the rest of the afternoon looking for chores to offer a distraction to my disappointment. At one point, by chance, I looked out the dining room window and was shocked to see Stimulus II 2009 rolling across the yard. Apparently the wind had changed direction and allowed the balloon to fall free from the grip of the dreaded maple. I ran outside to find, to my surprise, the balloon generally intact. The balloon was repaired and on the next day launched again. This time it

(_) caught on fire.
(_) flew pretty good.
(_) was sabotaged by right wind extremists.

....