Card-Carrying Member Of The ACLU

I thought this portion of "Prairie Home Companion" (9/26/09), featuring Garrison Keillor as Guy Noir, was just brilliant.

Of course, I strongly favor Western Scrub Jays as the most intelligent bird around these parts. They are Corvids too, just like Crows! And brilliant birds all Corvids are!

New Mexico's state bird is the Roadrunner, and they are good to have around when snakes need to be defeated, but if you hide 100 objects from a Roadrunner, the poor Roadrunner will never find the objects again. And California's state bird, the California Valley Quail, is as dumb as a doorknob:

GK: In my desperation to bring in a little cash, I had for the first time in my life become a lobbyist for the ACLU. The American Corvid Lovers Unlimited. Corvids are crows. Black crows. And the ACLU was trying to remove the Loon as Minnesota's State Bird and replace it with the crow.

SS: The crow is an intelligent bird, Mr. Noir. Look at this video. See? (CROW)

GK: Okay, but the legislature named the loon Minnesota's state bird and it's a done deal, ma'am, and I don't think they're about to—

SS: They did it on the assumption — which turns out to be erroneous — that loons form stable monogamous relationships for a lifetime. As it turns out, loons mess around more than just about any other species. Look at this video. (LOON CRY OF SEDUCTION)

SS: Disgusting. And male loons invade another male's territory and kill him and take his wife. It's like a Greek tragedy or something.

TR: And they're not that good at flying— Ever see a loon try to take off? They're white knuckle fliers. Look at this video. (LOON FLAPPING WINGS HARD, PANICKY CRY, AND SPLASH)

SS: Ludicrous.

TR: Whereas the crow is the most intelligent of all birds. A crow is able to hide as many as 100 objects and remember exactly where they are. An intelligent and dignified bird.

SS: And a good flier.

TR: A bird that Minnesotans could be proud of. Instead of this sex-crazed murderer we have now. (LOON CALL)

GK: The ACLU offered me a thousand dollars and I took the money. I made big banners that said “Support the CAWS” (spelled c-a-w-s) and we brought in crows marching and holding picket signs.

ALL (AS CROWS): Whose woods these are, I think I know.
These woods belong to us, the crow.
So we do not have miles to go before we sleep — oh no, oh no.
We will not sleep or use that word
Until you make us your state bird.


GK: Every day, crows flying in C-formation, singing: (WINGS)

ALL (CROWS SINGING TO CAISSONS TUNE):
Over hill, over dale, with the wind behind our tail, and the corvids go flying along...

GK: I wasn't proud of it, but it was money, and I was able to mail in my rent check.