Twisting And Turning In The Wind

For the last year, two large, broken branches have hung from the tree over my house. Because of their height, I haven't been able to successfully pull them down. So there they remained, twisting and turning in the wind, almost like accusatory fingers pointing downwards, saying to all passersby, 'the weird haunted house on the block is here.'

Yesterday, I stood atop a tall ladder, cleaning gutters underneath the broken branches. It's hard work cleaning gutters, digging through the advanced ecosystems that have developed over the past year or two, complete with flora (clover), fauna (worms, spiders), and lots of wet soil from all the decayed leaves. Sometime you find interesting things, like the year I found a spent bullet in the gutter. Where did that come from? But this year, all I found was a stake that Adam had glued into the gutter for some inscrutable reason.

But I also noticed the connections between branches and tree were now looking a little threadbare. So, it was time to try again.

So, there I stood with a long, long hook, trying to get a purchase on the bigger branch high above, and twisting it around, while standing on top of a 12-foot ladder.....

*CRACK*

I look up and see rapidly-approaching, ginormous expanse of tree bark filling my field of vision. "Ooooh, this is going to hurt," I thought.

BANG! The tree branch slammed into my shoulder, giving me a nice, throbbing bruise there, and ripping my "Pirates of Penzance" sweatshirt in the process as well. But because the blow was still a glancing blow, considering the weight, I didn't fall. Instead I remained, atop a tall ladder, trying to reach the second branch, which I was just able to do, reaching upwards and grasping with my left hand, and twisting, twisting.....

*POP*

For the briefest second, I held a fifteen-foot long witching rod at the end of my outstretched arm, almost like an enormous wand. Then it too came crashing down, fortunately not hitting me on the way past, since I was able to push it away as it fell.

So, with those two accidents-waiting-to-happen out of the way, I'm farther from the lawsuit frontier, and I feel much happier.

And now, for the aspirin.....