The Really Important Stuff

Via The Evil Beet, two news items:

First:

Britney Spears blew a red light at a notoriously dangerous intersection last night, with her kids in the back and a court-appointed monitor crouched down in the front. Paging K-Fed's attorney!

The Popwreck approached the light slowly on Coldwater Canyon in Los Angeles. You then see Britney raise her cellphone to her face. It is unclear if she's texting or making a call. She then drives into the intersection as someone outside the car screams, "Red light, red light!" Britney then turns left onto Mulholland Drive, managing to miss oncoming traffic.

Second, Paris Hilton is worried about the drunken elephants that have been doing so much damage in India:

The big-eared boozers have become addicted to rice beer, which is brewed by locals in north-east India.

And party monster Paris was horrified to hear that 40 squiffy elephants fought with an electric pole in the West Garo Hills district last week, which instantly electrocuted six of the blotto beasts.

So the hotel heiress is launching a campaign to encourage locals to hide their vats of home-made brew from the grey inebriates, who have started to search for the free alcohol for their benders. Of last week’s jumbo deaths, Paris said: “There would have been more casualties if the villagers hadn’t chased them away.

“And four elephants died in a similar way three years ago. It is just so sad. The biggest problems are in Assam and Meghalaya. The elephants get drunk all the time.

“It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them.”

Assam elephant expert Kushal Konwar Sharma added: “More than 200 elephants have been killed by angry villagers during the last six years in the two states in what is developing into a fierce conflict between man and drunken beast.”

And convicted drink driver Paris continued: “In Tinsukia, the elephants smashed huts, plundered granaries and broke open casks to drink rice beer. The herd then went berserk, and killed people.

“Now they’re learning to be sly about their problems.”