Vivoleum

Out of fava beans and need to restock? Even biofuel-grade Chianti can't hold a candle to high-performance Vivoleum when it comes to those quick trips to the store:

Up to 300 oilmen at the GO-EXPO in Calgary, Canada witnessed an unusual presentation about turning human flesh into fuel by 'representatives of Exxon and the National Petroleum Council (NPC).'

The two 'representatives' turned out to be pranksters from the civil disobedience group The Yes Men.

Conference organisers billed the speech by a 'NPC rep' as a major highlight.

The real NPC, which is headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond, regularly consults with the White House on energy policy.

The 'NPC rep' was expected to present findings from a long-awaited study chaired by Mr Raymond in conjunction with the US Department of Energy.

The fake speech, delivered by 'Shepard Wolff' (aka Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), unveiled a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum.

'We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant', said 'Mr Wolff' as he showed 3D animations of human flesh being rendered into the fuel.

'Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production', noted 'Exxon rep Florian Osenberg' (aka Yes Man Mike Bonanno).

He added: 'With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left.'